Chemical Cocktails Aren't Very Tasty, But The Souvenir Glass Is Nice

Well, friends.....in our newest installment of "Who Wants To Be A Down-Regulator", we found out that (1). the HCG shot worked in the sense that my LH and E2 levels have somewhat gone down, (2). My P4 levels have gone up, and (3). one of the cysts is shrinking.

However, my E2 and P4 levels haven't changed as much as they need in order to start Lupron (my reading is 2, and it needs to be 3......isn't that a har-de-har?), and the cyst on my right side has gotten bigger (4cm). So, after Dr. Pipsqueak reviewed today's latest bloodletting, she has come up with a new plan to try to suppress me enough to start Lupron. Starting tonight I get to start BCP's (yay.....my favorite!) and add in Ganirelix for the next four days, then go in on Sunday for more bloodwork and a date with the wand. If everything looks good, then Lupron is a go (I have until Sept 1st to start Lupron for this lab series). If not.....then the plan is to stay on the BCP until the next series starts in October. Which blows big monkey balls, but there's not much that I, or anyone else can do. I had to go pick up my meds at the office and got to speak to Nurse Blondie, and I did ask whether or not I should be concerned about the cyst bursting or getting bigger, and she said that Dr. Pipsqueak doesn't seem to be overly concerned and that the cyst is pretty small compared to the size it could be if I didn't take the HCG. But, that cyst is still creating hell and havoc, much like a middle-schooler. How ironic.

Nurse Blondie suggested having a "talk" with my ovaries, and I told her that I've begged, cajoled, bribed and threatened those little fuckers, and that the next move is a well-aimed punch in the cooter. Oddly, she didn't find that as funny as I thought. Hmmm. Perhaps I shouldn't have used the word cooter.

So.....that means that I get to start a new chemical cocktail, starting tonight. Anyone out there take Ganirelix and have any input? Is it more, or less shittier than Lupron? How about side effects? The only thing I could find on my trusty Dr. Google is that it's a GNRH-antagonist, which is like someone telling me in Russian that I should try black caviar. And, I HATE BCP's....hate, hate, hate them! Ugh, nothing like being a moody bitch right in time for the new school year, huh? Heads are gonna ROLL next week with my 7th grade homeroom! Grooowwwwl! Let's hope that it really doesn't make me crazy.....or, at least, not as crazy as Loopy Lupron does.

Seriously, though, I am disappointed-I won't gloss over that-but not totally gutted by it. Perhaps now is not the right time to do a cycle, and, with everything else that's going on with school starting and my mother's illness (she's doing well, btw....the tumor has shrunk to the point that the CAT scan can't pick it up, and they've moved her surgery up to this Friday, instead of in November). I just can't help feeling that time is slipping away from me with each passing month that we don't conceive. I'll be 37 my next birthday; and, although it is still technically "young", even by infertility standards, it sure ain't 30. It's the age where I have to start worrying about upped miscarriage and Down's syndrome rates, CVS and amnio testing, and all the crap that I never gave a thought about when we started this whole mess. To be honest, I idealistically thought that we'd have more than one child by now, and we wouldn't have to worry anymore. That the world of infertility would be just a distant memory for us.

Boy, was I wrong on that one.