The dreaded follow-up

I saw the RE on Friday afternoon about my failed IVF cycle, and we discussed different options.

I ended up having Grade 1 8-celled embryos that were transferred-they were, as far as the lab were concerned, considered perfect. Apparently not perfect enough to implant and actually grow, but that's another story. I asked the RE if having OHSS had anything to do with the failure, and he said no, that people who get OHSS are more likely to get pregnant, which didn't make me feel any better. He was very nice and sensitive about the situation, though. Since I have fairly normal cycles, he suggested having a natural-cycle Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET for you acronym nerdies) in July-the "natural-cycle" meaning that I don't have to take any more fertility medications-thank GOD. So in June I get to have a "mock cycle" where they take blood at different points and make sure that my hormone levels are normal enough to be able to do this without taking more fertility drugs. Hopefully my body will cooperate.

I did let the RE know that I hadn't gotten my period yet, which he was concerned about. So concerned, in fact, that he made me go for another blood pregnancy test yesterday (as if the first one wasn't enough). Of course, it was still negative (surprise!) and my progesterone was at 0.5, so they gave me a prescription for Provera to take so I get my period (oh goody!). I have no idea what's going on with my body right now, and it frustrates me to no end.

I just wish that they had more answers for me as to why it didn't work. Of course, realistically, there is no real answer-everything went well, as far as IVF goes. Just as with doing it the old-fashioned way, there's no guarantee that it will work right away.

But I need answers-I crave them. Maybe it would make this whole nightmare easier to accept.

Big Fucking Negative

Nursey P just called.

The beta was negative, so I'm not pregnant.

I had a feeling that I wasn't, not that I was being negative, but I just had that weird feeling-I guess that I was right.

Fuck. This was the closest I've ever been to being pregnant, and now it's over. I meet with the RE on Friday to discuss the cycle-I mean, what's to discuss? It didn't work.......isn't that obvious?

I'm just so damn tired of all of this. I don't think that I can do this again.

I feel like I'm close to a nervous breakdown.

I hate my body-it's just another form of betrayal, as far as I'm concerned.

Grumble grumble grumble....

Sean won't let me go and buy the evil pee-sticks. He says that there's no point trying to torture myself, especially if it's wrong.

He means well, and I know that he's right. It still sucks though.

Thirty-three and a half hours until I take my beta. Then, seven hours until Nursey P calls with the results.

My mother-in-law gave me the butt shot tonight. She thinks that at least one of the little guys are still in there, but I'm not so sure. It's best not to be too hopeful-that way it won't be such a shock if it's negative.

Can you tell that I'm a bit preoccupied about this?

Still in the game, at least for now.

So, after my last post, it had to get worse before it got better.

I started passing what I thought were clots, so I (understandibly) freaked out and called the service again. After an hour, the RE called back (he was at the hospital and didn't get his page) and said that he wanted to see me first thing Friday morning for an ultrasound and he also wanted to check my cervix to see what was up.

The ultrasound showed no clots in the uterus (a good thing), but that my lining wasn't as thick as it should be. My progesterone results also were in and they were at 7.3, which was too low (and which was why I started to bleed), so Nursey P gave me a PIO (progesterone in oil for you neophytes) shot in the office. Apparently, the Crinone gel isn't an effective method of progesterone support for me (turns out the "clots" were really the quarter-sized blood tinged old Crinone falling out. I actually got to see one up close on Friday and it reminded me of chewing tobacco, which Nursey P confirmed was the Crinone) so I have to stay on the PIO until my blood pregnancy test on Monday comes back--if it's positive then I still have to stay on the PIO. Kinda really sucks, but at this point I'll do whatever it takes if there's something in there holding on.

I still feel like this didn't work, although the RE was still positive about it. He said that many women bleed before they know that they're pregnant, and even into the first trimester (my friend M was one of those women) and go on to have healthy babies. I asked him point blank if there was still any chance, and he said "most definitely", so that helps a bit. Especially since I'm no longer bleeding-just a light brownish stain every once in awhile when I wipe, but nothing like it was.

I'm still fighting the urge to go to the drugstore and buy some pee-sticks. I know that many women who go through IVF don't get an accurate result with them, due to all the fricking hormones that you take, but in a way, I want to be prepared, in case it's negative. I'm afraid of that phone call on Monday, and I don't want to freak out on the phone. At this point, it's either happening or not, and there's nothing that I can do about it.

But, I still hate the fact that I have no control over this. The wait sucks.

Red is not my color

I started spotting last night.

It started out a really pale pinkish color, and only when I wiped, but it was there. Then, later on, I started passing these weird rubbery brownish blobs, which I found out later was the old Crinone gel that was in my whoo-ha (ewww.....)

I freaked out and called the RE. It took him two hours to call me back, which I was not happy about. He told me that it could be that my progesterone is low, or that my cervix is irritated from the Crinone gel (which he said was common), so he wanted me to go for "stat" progesterone bloodwork on Thursday, and come into the office Friday so he could check my cervix.

It got heavier today, though--now it's bright red, and I'm wearing a pad. I'm also crampy. It feels like I have a light period.

I talked to Nursey P this morning, and she said that it could be implantation spotting (I'm 10 days past a three day transfer--10dp3dt for you IF acronym junkies), which I doubt, because why would it be this heavy?-or it could be that my progesterone is low, and I need more. She kinda made me feel better by saying that I'm doing everything I can right now, and that the bleeding isn't my fault, but I sure don't feel that way right now.

I called this afternoon for my blood results, and the office was closed--ARRGH! They apparently closed today at 11:30-what the FUCK!? Why the hell get up at the butt-crack of dawn to get to the lab for "stat" bloodwork if the fucking RE's office isn't open to get the results? What good is that for me, who's waiting none too patiently to see if I need more drugs? I left a message with the service, telling them that I wanted someone to call me back with my results. I can't wait until tomorrow-I'll kill someone before then.

Please God, PLEASE don't let this be the beginning of my period. Please, give Zippy and Zappa (yes, we named them-I'm a dork, I know) a fighting chance. Please don't evict them yet.

Please, for my sanity, hear me.

Update

Wow, it's been awhile, huh?

There's been so much that's happened since my last post, so I'll try to catch y'all up on everything...

I went for my egg retrieval on April the 8th. It was actually pretty easy-they started the IV, had me sign my life away, and, after about an hour wait (my RE was running late-sheesh!) I went in, they put me out and I was in la-la land. I awoke to the RE and the OR staff telling me that they got 17 eggs-wow! I was a bit crampy afterwards, not too bad though-like having period cramps, so I went home and crashed.

Then all hell broke loose.

I started retaining fluid-a LOT of it-on Saturday. Enough for me to call the RE to see if it was normal. He told me that if I was peeing and drinking a lot, it wasn't a problem, but if my output wasn't matching my input, then we need to worry about Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). The RE actually called me on Sunday morning to check up on me, and I wasn't doing so well...I was still filling up with fluid, and was extremely uncomfortable (and I looked about six months pregnant), so he told me to come in for an ultrasound on Monday (the transfer day) at the office first. Well, at that point I could hardly walk or stand up straight, and couldn't breathe, so they sent me to the clinic as an emergency. Had to have another IV and was rushed into the OR, where they knocked me out and drained a liter of fluid out of my abdomen.

They were able to complete the transfer, so I had two lovely three-day embryos put back in to (hopefully) nest for awhile. I was still bloated, and started to fill up with fluid again, but thankfully it started to go down by Thursday. I definitely looked pregnant--I actually had to go out and buy maternity pants because my own were not fitting--but by Sunday I was only a few pounds above what I normally am.

So, that's about it-it was, most assuredly, a scary time, and now we're in the dreaded "two week wait". At least one week was spent worrying about whether or not they'd have to deflate me, so I couldn't obsess about whether or not I was pregnant. I can't say the same for this week, however.....

Butt-Shots and Tributes

The butt-shot has been done......and it didn't hurt! Honestly, I shit you not.

I put an ice pack on my bare ass for about 15 minutes before the shot (that really hurt at first), so for anyone out there in blogland who has to do an HCG shot, or any IM shot, I highly recommend icing the area first-I didn't even feel the needle go in. I actually thought that my mother-in-law was swabbing the area, but no-the syringe was already in and she was done-yay! Now it's a teeny bit sore, but nothing life-threatening.

Well, that being said, I want to say a special thank-you to you commenters out there (Shelli, Cat, Vix)-you have been so wonderful and supportive to me during all this shit.......it's like having your own personal cheerleading squad! Words aren't even adequate in expressing how grateful I am to all of you for your friendship, support and caring. I really believe that God puts certain people in your life for a reason, and always at the exact time when you need them the most. I truly feel blessed that I know you.

Ciao.

Countdown

Went to the RE this morning, again. Everything is set for Friday, at 10:30 am.

I voiced my growing concern for developing OHSS-he said that he was also concerned, and that he will be monitoring me closely after the retrieval. Unfortunately, because I am considered young by IVF standards, I have more of a risk of developing OHSS. I just don't want to go through all this and not make it to transfer-that would be devastating.

So, here's the plan for tonight-I felt like looking incredibly trilingual, which I'm really not (I can understand and read in Italian, but I can't speak it as well as I should, and I was bored, so I found an online translator and put it into Latin), but I'll translate it anyway, in case you're as bored as I am right now:

Mio natiche testamento essere pugnalata stanotte a 10.30 da un enorme siringa.
this one is pretty straightforward-"My butt cheek will be stabbed tonight at 10:30 with a huge syringe".

And, even though I should be preferential toward the Italian (considering I am one), I had a little giggle about the Latin translation and had to share it, since there are some words, like "syringe", that cannot be translated exactly. So, instead of translating word-for-word, you have to find a similar word or phrase:

Magnus anus letifico ero ictus is vesper per unus ingens telum.
"I will be piercing my large ass cheek tonight with a huge spear".

Kinda appropriate, right?

Tonight Sean and I (he took the day off today) will go out for a nice dinner, then my mother-in-law will be coming over later to do the honors-I'm gonna try to ice the shit out of my butt, to make it numb. Hopefully it won't hurt too much, it's only 1 cc of fluid in the syringe. Yeah, riiiight........

I'm nervous and excited all at once-it's really happening! The countdown to Friday has begun!

There's no going back now.

Go Follies, GO!

The RE called........my E2 levels are up to 7000!

He said that he was shocked and pleased at how much I've progressed from only 24 hours or so ago. I go in to the office for one more ultrasound (yah-another dildocam-can't wait-today's was just oh so comfortable-NOT) tomorrow morning and then I need to stay and talk to him about what's going to happen in the next few days...

It looks like Friday's a go-WOOT!

The Easter Egg Hunt

I went in for the dildocam this morning. I got there at around 11am (that's when my appointment was) and had to wait until almost 11:45 to see the tech.

She was very nice, by the way...she actually let me see everything that was in there, and pointed out all my innards.

So, at last count, there are 13 follicles on my left side, and 11 on the right. It looks like the biggest one is around 2.3 cm, which converts to 23 mm...........I think that it's safe to say that I'll be taking the HCG butt shot soon. My ovaries are so large that they're actually sitting right next to each other. It definitely explains why I'm so bloated and uncomfortable, and why the dildocam wasn't exactly pleasant.

They got my blood results in this morning. I called Nursey P and she told me that they were there, but the wanted the results of the ultrasound before they called me. Nursey P said that she wouldn't be in the office this afternoon (they close early on Tuesdays), but that the RE was coming in this afternoon for the results and that he would call me personally with instructions.

Please please please let him call with good news........

Why Quest Labs Suck

I called the RE's office for my blood results-Nursey P told me that, although Quest confirms that my blood was drawn this morning at 7:45, the lab didn't get the sample until 4pm, and had not yet processed it-what the fuck!? Didn't they notice the word "stat" that was there two or three times on the lab slip? ARRRRRGH!

So, Nursey P told me that she thoroughly chewed them out for it (yah Nursey!), but we won't get the results until tomorrow morning, so I need to take my 1 ampule of Follistim and 5 units of Lupron, and wait until tomorrow for instructions.

This totally sucks......why does the shitty things always seem to happen to me? Then again, if this went smoothly, it would be totally against type, don't you think?

On the Tenth Day of Stims, My RE Gave to Me....

No embryo retrieval date.....sucks for me.

Here's what I know, so far-

On Friday afternoon, after my morning monitoring, Nursey P called me and told me that my estradiol levels on day #7 of stims are at 3749, "a little high", according to her. So, the RE wanted my doses of medication cut down-my Follistim went from 225 iu twice a day to 150 iu once a day, and my Lupron went from 10 units to 5 units for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and Monday (today) I needed to come in for monitoring and to see the RE. She told me that my expected embryo retrieval date would be Wednesday April 6th, and the embryo transfer date would be Saturday April 9th. She advised me, because of monitoring and having to see the RE almost every day, to stay out of work this week (I'm supposed to be back from Spring Recess) and faxed me a doctor's note.

So, I take my meds on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday, as instructed. I started noticing on Saturday that I'm starting to feel a bit bloated-nothing major, but it's getting noticeable. I'm also started to get more twinges and feelings of heaviness in my abdomen, probably from all those lovely follicles growing on my ovaries.

I go in this morning to the lab for bloodwork, and yay! I don't get the phlebotomist that mangles my arm (I've dubbed her "The Punisher" or "The Bruiser"-she's really a very nice person, but nice doesn't help when my arm looks like I've been shooting heroin) every time I go in, so I' m thinking that it's gonna be a "good news" type of day. I get to the RE's office for the dildocam, and, lo and behold, there are nice follies on the monitor! But, Mr. Techie measures them and tells me that they're only 13-14 mm big, and they need to be at least 16 mm to be able to be harvested...uh oh......

So, I stay to see the RE (it's like 8:30 ish by now; the RE should be in by 9), and of course, he doesn't come in until 9:20 or so, and there's about 5 women ahead of me, so I didn't see him until almost 9:45am (thank God I was off today). He tells me that, because of Friday's high numbers, he had to cut my doses to avoid hyperstimulation of the ovaries (which cause Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome-OHSS-which is not fun to have, since you fill up with fluid due to all the shit that's in your system), and he thought that I'd still be progressing, but he was concerned to see that I wasn't. So, the upshot is, no retrieval on Wednesday-it now looks like "Friday, the latest" according to the RE. He told me, as soon as I got home this morning, to take 75 IU of the Follistim, and to wait for instructions from Nursey P this afternoon.....

I'm just so frustrated with my body right now-I feel as if it's betraying me. I know that the RE is doing all he can to make sure that I'll be okay, but I just want this to be over. I'm tired of trying to find a non-bruised part of my stomach that's not full of track marks to inject myself every night. I hate the fact that I took a whole week from work and now looks as if I won't be going back until next Tuesday, and that I've took so many sick days because of my fucking infertility issues. I feel like a bloated mess, I'm constantly exhausted and don't even have the energy to cook dinner, my clothes don't fit right now, I have constant twinges in my abdomen, my nipples are KILLING me (errgh), and I have a hard time sleeping because I'm uncomfortable. Oh, yeah, and, because I thought that the transfer date was April 9th, I turned down not only a church gig, but free tickets to see the Tallis Scholars at Riverside Church in NYC with our friends G&A, so I'm also a bit bitter and bitchy about that.

I hate to complain, really-we're so lucky that we're able to even do in-vitro, and to live in a state that mandates health insurance coverage for it. Many women pay for this out of their own pocket, and it adds up to the tens of thousands of dollars per cycle. I should be grateful, I know.

But, I just want the waiting game to be over, already.

Spring Cleaning

I changed the look for my blog-really, because I got bored. I'm not too computer-savvy though-I have no idea how to spice it up (like Vixanne's new look-looove it, btw!), so I put this one up, 'cause it looks "springy"-how does it look?

Went to the RE today for the dildocam-I've got about 20 or so follicles growing quite nicely in there. I told the Mr. Ultrasound Techie and Nursey P about my dad's "Easter Egg Hunt" comment, and they had a little giggle with me (I didn't giggle much though, not with the dildocam still in me). Mr. Ultrasound Techie said that I had good eggs, and that, in his experience, "Italian women always produce good eggs, and lots of them" Viva Italia! Well, my grandmother was one of 13.......

I also met with the RE and went over some stuff that the anesthesiologist needed to know, and got a 'script for doxycycline that I have to take as a precaution. So, hopefully my bloodwork will come back okay (pleasssssse, no Repronex, God-no more shots!!)-it totally feels like that there's two tennis balls inside my abdomen that are moving around.....

I'm waiting for my friend M to show up-we were supposed to go out for lunch, but she has some presentation for school that she needed to finish with her group, and it took longer than she thought--hopefully she'll be here soon. She kinda does this a lot, makes plans, then kinda bails on me-I'm trying to be patient, because I know that she's going through a lot with her divorce/custody battle, but that's another entry for later........she's on her way here.

What do stims and Jabba the Hut have in common? Take a guess...

I am on what is now day number 4 of stims.

I feel like a fat whale. I did put on jeans yesterday when I went for my pre-admission bloodwork, but they felt a little uncomfortable. I did step on the scale and saw that I didn't gain any weight, but I feel like I'm about 800 pounds, and that I have two tennis balls inside my abdomen. The Follistim (Folli-sting?) stings a bit when it goes in, and for a few minutes afterward. Sunday morning's injection I must have hit a blood vessel, because it bled like a motherfucker and now I have a little bruise there. That kinda sucks.

Oh, yeah, I also have a zit the size of Rhode Island on the side of my nose. Shit.

I went to a different lab location yesterday morning-I like to see different locations, you know, change it up a bit so I don't get bored, and they were so nice-plus, there was nobody in there! Techhie A who drew my blood was great-I didn't even feel it, even though she took four vials, and I didn't bruise-yes! Point for me and my veins! Maybe I'll go there tomorrow morning instead-as long as I get there first thing, I should be on time for my other appointments. I go tomorrow morning for more bloodwork, and another dildocam, to see if there are any follicles growing in there. I definitely feel like there's something cooking in there.

Let's see.....what else is going on? Well, I sang for the whole Triduum-Thursday night, Friday (for 2 services), Saturday Vigil and Sunday morning. I had to bring my shots with me for the entire weekend, which was interesting, to say the least. My friend A (who is also the music minister) gave me his office keys so I could have somewhere private to go, which was nice. The hardest part of it was trying to get everything done quickly, so I could go back upstairs into the church to sing.....it was kinda funny, in a way. The best part was trying to get through the layers that I was wearing to give myself the shots--we wear choir robes that are similar to an altar server-a black cassock with a white cotta over the top, and your street clothes underneath all that. Trying to get through all those clothes was a lot like peeling an onion, but I had it down to a science and was done in about five minutes-point for me!

We went to the mother-in-laws for Easter dinner. She had 14 people there, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be-her house is the size of mine, which is basically a postage stamp. The only thing that kind of pissed me off was the fact that she obviously told everyone that I was doing IVF and was on injectibles-I say obvious because, when we got there, his uncle said, as he was giving me a hug, "So, I hear you're on drugs". Of course he meant it as a joke, I know that, but inside I was saying "Arrrrgh! FUCK!". Then his aunts were asking me all these questions.....hey, don't get me wrong, they were really nice about it and were concerned. It's my own fault-I should have told mother-in-law to zip her lip, but I didn't think she'd tell anyone. We only told our parents, my grandmother, a few really close friends and our siblings what was going on-we purposely didn't tell extended family because we didn't know how they would react-some of them are verrrry Catholic and I didn't want to go into the whole Donum Vitae argument with anyone. I didn't want a lot of people to know, in case it this doesn't work the first time-I don't want to have to explain it to anyone, and then see any pitying looks....totally not what I need right now. But, I do know that she wasn't being a jerk or anything, so I'm trying to keep my hormonal ragings in check.

Follistim, Here I Come!

I was fucking around (no, not fucking, pa-leeze! Not with my period-it's like putting ketchup on a hot dog-ewwww) at about 10:30 this morning, when the phone rings-it's Nursey from the RE's office, wondering why I didn't come in for bloodwork and an ultrasound. I told her "well, because I thought I didn't need to, since I got my period". Apparently, I still had to go for my estradiol bloodwork, but not an ultrasound. So, I threw some sweats on and drove over to the local lab, where I waited for over an hour, because they were short-staffed. I ended up getting the same tech I had on Wednesday-she is so cool. The only thing that sucked is that she drew the blood from the vein in the middle of my arm (I've been told that I have good veins) and it now hurts like a motherfucker, and has a nice bruise.

Well, the good news is, I get to start the Follistim tomorrow morning. 225 IU in the morning, then 225 IU in the evening, along with my dose of Loopy Lupron. I go for more bloodwork on Monday for my pre-admission testing before the embryo retrieval (the tentative date is April 4th), then I go to the RE on Wednesday for an ultrasound, to see what's been grown, more bloodwork, and a physical exam. Shit, I really hope that my veins don't collapse after all this bloodwork-that would really suck.

I called my parents this afternoon with the IVF update, and my dad compared the embryo retrieval to an Easter Egg hunt-you know, it isn't too far from the truth. I laughed my ass off when he said that-hell, I still get a giggle every time I think of it. I've gotta remember that to tell the RE.....maybe he'd find it funny too.

But, at least I can start stims-yay! It's really happening!

Let the Games Begin

I got my period today!

I should have had a feeling last night, when I got my killer pre-menstrual migraine, but since I've had a headache off and on for about 11 days now, it didn't totally sink in that this was the one that signaled the start of the flow....

I called the RE, left a message with the answering service (they were already closed) and hopefully I'll hear tomorrow morning when I'll start the Follistim, and when they're estimating the retrieval and transfer will be.

I am finally going to start my IVF cycle-I'm so psyched!

Fuck fuck fuck

I went to the RE this morning for my dildocam and bloodwork, and nothing-although they did see lots of follicles (which is good-hopefully there will be good ones once I start stims), no period yet.

Then the nurse called this afternoon-my E2 is 50, and it needs to be 20 to start the IVF cycle. So, if I don't get it by Friday I have to go back and get more bloodwork-shit......

The one and only time in my life I want my period to come, it's late-figures, huh? Murphy's Law......

This totally sucks ass. Just had to share

Going with the Flow

Today I am offically at day 30 of my cycle, and, as of yet, I haven't gotten my period.

And, no, there's no way I could be "up the pole", because that means that you actually have to have sex to do that, and Loopy Lupron has killed off my sex drive and made me too damn exhausted to give two shits about it right now.

I feel bloated, and I have that crampy, kinda swampy feeling that you get (sorry if TMI here) that makes you compulsively run to the bathroom numerous times a day to check the status of both your panties and the john. I've also been a raving beyotch for the past few days, but no sore boobs (that's always a sure sign for me) and I usually get a headache right before, but since I've had a slight headache since I started this I probably couldn't tell the difference, anyway.

Now, the IVF nurse told on the phone yesterday that Lupron can delay your period. As to how long this delay could last, she didn't say. I have to go tomorrow morning for my ultrasound and estradiol bloodwork ("E2" in medical lingo), so hopefully I will get a better idea tomorrow afternoon as to what the frig is going on. I wonder, since Lupron puts you, hormonally, in a menopausal state, if I'll get my period at all-and if I don't, can I still start stims? There's something to ask the nurse-gotta write that down now, since another wonderful result of this medication is the sudden forgetfulness that I've descended into.

I'm tired of waiting, and waiting, and waiting.......I want to start these stims, to see my E2 levels steadily rising and my follicles growing on the ultrasounds. I'm tired of patiently waiting for this new chapter in my life to start. It's time to move onward.

Or maybe I'm just tired.....

Loopy Lupron

Ah, that wonderful drug, Lupron, I sing your praises......

NOT!

Today was my third shot, and the first (of many, I'm sure) that I've had to administer totally alone, with no Poor Sean to give me moral support. It is getting a bit easier, but, I can't get my hand to override my brain, which is telling me to stick the needle in. My hand is a bit slow on the uptake.

Tomorrow night my MIL is having us over for a St. Patty's Day dinner-it is a day early, but we both have rehearsal on the Big Shamrock Day. It's funny, she and her husband aren't even a drop of Irish, but still celebrate. I, on the other hand, don't celebrate it at all-I celebrate St. Joseph's Day, which is on the 19th, and is like the Italian version of St. Patty's Day, and, the bonus is we get to eat the St. Joseph's Day zeppoles, which are these lovely cream filled doughnut things-it beats smelly corned-beef and cabbage and dry soda bread any day, IMHO.

The upshot is (oooh, what an appropriate word..heh) that tomorrow night will be the first time I get to shoot up in semi-public, and on Thursday I get to bring it to church and shoot up in the sacristy during choir rehearsal-whoopee! Just what the Catholic Church wants to see-a parishioner injecting fertility drugs in order to do a procedure that the Church disapproves of-can't wait!

I'm kinda moody-don't know if it's the Lupron or just PMS-and the headache is still there. I was reading about side effects, and it said something about the headaches going away once stims are started, which isn't until sometime next week-that kinda sucks-but, I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end.....

Tuesday morning blatherings

I did my second shot last night-wasn't too bad. It only took me about 5 minutes to get the needle in this time, but it stung a bit more. I figured out later that on Sunday night, in my nervousness, I pinched the skin on my stomach kinda hard, and I think that I might have unintentionally numbed it a bit, which was good because I didn't feel a thing. My friend M (the nurse) is coming over tonight for dinner-Sean's going out with some former work colleagues-and offered to give me the shot, but I said no, because I can't depend on other people......I need to do this myself. So, we're turning it into a pizza/injectibles party, and she'll make sure that I'm doing this correctly.......

Other than that, I've had a wicked headache for two days-not sure if it's the Lupron (which it might-it's one of the side effects) or my seasonal allergies kicking in-and I'm really tired. I've also found, while playing a piece yesterday that I know pretty well, that my fingers keep tripping up on the keyboard.......hmmm, don't know if these are other side effects-gotta look that up.

Today is state testing for 3rd and 4th graders, so my schedule is totally turned around-I can't teach in my normal spot, which is the cafeteria. Yeah, it sucks, especially since I had my own classroom not too long ago, but it's better than nothing. So, I'm in the classrooms today, which I hate-there's no room to do any kind of movement activities, and you're constantly worrying that you're disrupting other classes. Maybe I can beg the principal to use the library-there's a piano in there.......