Thursday, April 01, 2010

We Now Take You To Our Previously Scheduled Programming, Already In Progress…

Hey there.

Remember me?

I know that it's been a fair bit of time (and who knows if you all are even out there anymore), and it's been a hiatus here, but hey, hanging on by your fingernails while you're playing the game of Life can tend to be a bit exhausting. I'm sure that you can understand.

I'll post in more detail later on the following, but here's a very brief synopsis of the last (almost) six months:

Mom had a rough road with a few major setbacks, but is home, talking, kicking ass with her therapies and will hopefully, soon, be able to stand. We've been going there about every other weekend or so, and we can see the improvements (like last weekend, when she used a fork for the first time by herself). It's amazing how, when watching someone "relearn" the most basic of functions, we take those things for granted.

My brother and his wife are are due in May. A boy. Which, in an Italian family, is the equivalent of standing on your head and farting gold bars. Needless to say, we haven't really been talking much. The shower is later this month and I'm not involved (wasn't asked, I just got an invitation like everyone else), and not sure if I even want to go.

My job kept me somewhat sane, and VERY busy, until about two weeks ago, when the governor decided to release a Sopranos-style vendetta on the teacher's union (who refused to endorse him...wonder why?). He's decided, since the NJ is in such financial crisis, to withhold state aid equal to 5% of every school district's operating budget. Which, in most suburban districts, is ALL of the state aid. Which means budget cuts......and the cutting of my position down to part-time. No benefits, and half my salary cut. Lovely.

Sean's okay. We have our moments when we want to rip each others eyes out with a spork, but we're here.

Oh, yeah....I'm still infertile. Haven't met with Dr. Pipsqueak in awhile (although she called back in January to see how we were doing), but BIC recommends another go at IVF, this time using PGD. They feel as if it's the missing puzzle piece. But, with my job what it is.....we're not sure handing over five grand right now is a "wise investment choice".

There are days that I'm okay, and days that I'm really not (those are the days that I just want to get in my car and drive until I can't anymore). Mostly, I'm just numb, and trying to make it through the day without losing my marbles altogether. One more day closer to my clock shutting down completely, and maybe then the constant feeling of being miserable will start to fade away.

So, I'm back.....I think. How have YOU been?

21 comments:

Marla.z said...

I've been wondering how you are. And, yes, we're still out here. At least I am, anyways. Still infertile, too. Such is life.

Glad to get an update!

Heather said...

Glad to hear from you.

I'm excited about your Mum and terribly sad about your job. I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Still reading...still caring...glad that you're still here.

Good luck on all fronts - thinking of you...

Jen

rebekah said...

we're still here for you! Still infertile on this end too.
Rebekah

Thalia said...

Still here, somewhat appalled at the huge amount of crap the universe seems to insist on piling on you. I do hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Erin said...

I'm so glad you're back. I am a teacher in MD, but I went to college in PA and have several teacher friends in NJ. It's so shitty what's happening to you guys. I loved your comment about a boy being equivalent to shitting gold bars in an Italian family. We just found out this week that we're having a boy (after 7 rounds of IVF) and my dad treated the news like I had won the Nobel Prize. Go figure...

Shelli said...

are your free Tuesday or Wednesday at any time?

Love you.

Hope to see you soon.

Really.

Heather said...

Wow! It has been awhile. Sorry to hear about your Mom, but I'm glad to hear she's in therapy and doing well. I have lots of family in NJ and I'm really not happy to what they are doing to the schools of my nieces and nephews (of which I have a total of 9 and 7 of them are in NJ schools). Hope to hear from you again soon.

Lut C. said...

Thanks to the marvel of feed readers, we're still here. It's good to hear from you again.

Glad to hear your mom is making progress.

Though I had thought I was cured of it forever, I'm struggling with belly envy again. And tackling it the only way I know how, with needles, nasal spray etc.

Anonymous said...

Been watching out for your update, Stef. Sorry how the suck-fest is continuing.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I just read your blog for the first time. We've been trying for 6 years now to have children and still are no closer to the goal, as we celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary in May. I spoke with a good friend tonight, who got married in January and she told me she is 3 months pregnant. You'd think I'd be used to that by now but the news cut just as deep as it has every time. I feel like I go through the stages of grieving every time. Infertility is like a revolving door....Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hear you and I get it and I wish SO much that there was a way to mend the constant heart ache. Sometimes I feel like miracles happen to everybody else :(

I hope one comes your way :) - k

Heather said...

This is the first time I'm reading your blog but funnily enough I've made a youtube video with the same title showing all the books I have read on infertility so your title caught my eye. Sorry you have had such a rough time, and sending you best wishes.

I have gone for IUI 2 years ago and am going again but have been working hard on diet and acupuncture now for success.

Also wanted to let you know about an oline fertility conference:

http://wizardresponder.com/wr/t.php?id=166

thanks for sharing
Heather

ps why are there so many of us "Heathers" infertile!?

Holistic Health said...

It really S....Take care of yourselves.

goji berries said...

Dont worry...take care of your health..Hope everything would be fine one day.

Silver said...

I came to this update late. Glad to hear you're still out there, but sorry that things are so tough. Hoping to hear more soon and hoping for better things for you and yours.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog on and off. Glad that you are still around. I've been trying to get pregnant with my mom who had a stroke. We are actually in a similar boat.
Have been trying acupuncture to make myself healither and stronger. I will never give up. Hope you do the same.

Janelle said...

Shitting Gold. LOL. I can relate. I'm soo tired of all the baby talks at family get togethers, as my hubby & I get left out of conversations... makes me want to stand on a table and shout "SHUT UP!" like some hormonal baby-less lunatic. - Awesome site. ^_^

Cheers said...

I just read your blog for the first time. We have been trying for.... I guess 7 or 8 years now ( the years are starting to blend into each other)

xoxo

stevesmith said...

Hi,
Really... I think you should take care..

http://www.raymeds.com/

TheOnlineGenericRx.com said...

Glad to hear your mom is making progress. take care
Forzest

Alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.