Wednesday, August 22, 2007

St. Anthony says, "Accio, Test Results!!"

....and they've been found! YAY!

Okay, the contest winner is Frank, because his creative cross-relation between St. Anthony of Padua and Harry Potter. As a child, we had a plinth in our front yard with a four-foot statue of St. Anthony on it......and no, I didn't live in a convent-we're ITALIAN, for God's sake! It's almost as if it's MANDATORY to have a saint's statue in the front yard (that is, if you don't have a mini-grotto dedicated to the Blessed Mother). Anyway, Frank-you got brownie points due to the fact that I had a bit of nostalgia going on. Plus, in an eerie co-winkeedink, he is also one of the Patron Saints of infertility and/or barrenness. Betcha didn't know THAT!!

Heh. But, thanks to you guys for your answers-they gave me a giggle when I needed it.

Anywhoo........I finally got a message back the end of last week, so I have an appointment on the 28th with Dr. Pipsqueak to go over the results and also for a physical and date with the Follicular Lurve Wand......damn, should I wear my lacy DKNY bra and matching silk and lace panties for the event? Maybe shave my va-jay-jay in the shape of a heart? It's just that it's been a long time since I've had a wanding, and I'm all of a-flutter.

More than likely, since I'm 13dpo and I'm sure that I'll be Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System any day now, I'll show up in my graying period panties (aka "quitters" around here) with the rip in the waistband and a poonanny that looks like I took a Flowbee to it. Let's complete the "Snaggle Bush" look with hairy legs, too. Because I just. Don't. Give a shit.

I mean, RE's (or twatotologists) REALLY CARE that you're....uh....cleaned up down there? Do they compare and contrast with other patients? I seriously doubt it-doctors, in general, don't look at patients as "human" when doing a clinical exam (and, that's not meant as a crack against doctors), so as to be less embarrassing for everyone involved. But really, wouldn't you love to know what they're thinking?

Okay, maybe I just want to know what they're thinking. 'Cause I'm just weird like that

Oh, who am I kidding? I'll make sure that my undies aren't quitters....

Le Sigh. Such is the life of an infertile.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Dude, Where's My Bloodwork?

In the last installment of the saga titled, "S and the Mysteriously Disappearing Test Results", a certain blood drawing center beginning with the letter "L" somehow had no record of my Offering to the Phlebotomy Gods. Which meant an instant replay of those aforementioned events. Although it was extremely annoying (and really, what isn't annoying about infertility? And why should this be any different, right?), they only needed to take 4 vials. No biggie.

Isn't it sad that I don't think that's a big deal? Or perhaps I'm just desensitized to the whole thing by now.

Anywho.....since this past Saturday marked my three week "veni-versarry", I decided to email my IVF Coordinator early Friday afternoon the following to see if they received the results yet, as well as my PAP results that the twatotologist's office neglected to send:

Hi IVF Coordinator:
I'm just following up to check and see if you've received the copy of my PAP results from Twato that I requested from them three weeks ago, and if you perhaps received back results from the bloodwork that we had re-done (also three weeks ago).
Is there anything else that we need to do, besides scheduling a physical for me? Will we need to make an appointment with Dr. Pipsqueak to go over any results of all the new tests before proceeding with a new cycle?
If you could let me know, I'd appreciate it-you can either respond via email, or call me at home: (INF) ERT-ILE1.
Thanks for your help (and hope you're staying dry today!)

And waited. And waited some more. I finally got a response (almost three and a half hours later):

To date I have received your pap results dated September 06'. I have not received your bloodwork. What lab did you go to? The only thing that will be missing is the physical exam that you can schedule with Dr. Pipsqueak's admin.

Now, did that answer all of my questions? Uh....nope. I have a sneaking suspicion that she didn't read the whole email. So, I sent this response (about a half hour later):

Sean and I both had our blood drawn at Evil Lab on July 28th. When I asked the intake person how long it would take, she said around 7-10 days...

And haven't heard a thing since. Nada. Niente.

So, what the FUCK is the deal here? As much as I love Big Important Clinic, I'm not loving my Coordinator. Every time I've had to contact her, she takes tons of time to respond. Now, I know that they're busy (when I asked her about not receiving my HSG results, she told me that she was "very busy and can't get back to everyone with test results-huh???), but when I met her for the very first time, she made a point of saying how she was ALWAYS reachable by phone or email. I have yet to call her without reaching voicemail, or email her with her responding in less than three hours.

Reachable my fat, saggy ass. So, I guess when I go for my physical, I need to get my Italian Bitch on and complain to Dr. Pipsqueak. Which I hate to do, as I don't want to seem difficult.........but TOO LATE.

So, I'm sending out a little assignment to everyone out there-be creative and guess where the hell my bloodwork is. The winner will will have their answer be the title for my next post.

So, get thinking!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Nectar of the Gods


So, when it rains, it pours, right?

I have a fricking "cold" (or sinus infection, virus, whatever). I went to the beach on Thursday and came home with a slight headache, from what I thought was from being out in the sun. Then came the nausea, chills and fever, along with some lovely congestion and a sore throat.

Which has made me a blob that's been vacillating between the couch and my bed ever since.

NyQuill is wonderful, however it makes me so out of it, not to mention that sleep is elusive for everyone else in the house, including me. I've apparently been snoring so badly that I've woken up poor Sean not once, but TWICE last night. Unfortunately, in his attempts to get me to roll over he ended up waking me (you know how it is when you're sick-you truly don't get into a deep sleep), and I couldn't get back to sleep right away-at least, not until I dosed myself with more NyQuill.

Sean said that it was pretty funny though, to hear me snoring like a lumberjack. Of course, I have NO MEMORY of any of this, so I'm treating all of this as hearsay...

My mother insinuated that it's the alcohol in the medication that's knocking me out and later making me loopy. Perhaps I'll just have a slug of Brandy before bed and hope for the best. Or more NyQuill.

Ah, NyQuill - the Nectar of the (Infirm) Gods-I salute you-as long as you make me better.