Wednesday, February 23, 2005


NEW JERSEY (Hoo-ha ters) -- Investigators are no longer looking into the sudden disappearance of Mr. Big Cyst Buzzkill, of NJ, who literally vanished last evening during a routine pelvic ultrasound. Mr. Buzzkill was last seen by dildocam in the vicinity of a left ovary on or about February 2, 2005. During yesterday evening's screening, it became apparent that he was most definitely missing, presumed dead. "Well, I kept looking and looking around and all I saw was a small, collapsed outer necrotic shell, but no fluid or debris, which I thought was odd, since I saw the earlier films", said the ultrasound technician assigned to the case, who wished to remain anonymous, "I kept searching with both the dildocam and the abdominal transducer, but I saw nothing. I finally had to stop because I thought that the patient's bladder was about to explode".

It has been confirmed that Mr. Buzzkill had been illegally squatting for the past nine months in the reproductive system of one S, age 32. "He really wasn't too much of a pain, if you know what I mean," she told reporters in a news conference held earlier today, "he was actually pretty quiet, but the ovaries, Fallopian tubes and uterus were starting to complain about some of his more 'questionable' habits, so it's best that he moved on." S stated that she plans to rent out the space to two embryos within the next six weeks. It will, hopefully, be a 40 week lease.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Infertility, female unspecified

I made my appointment yesterday afternoon for my "clearing" ultrasound this evening, to see whether or not Mr. Buzzkill has shrunk into oblivion. Hopefully, if he's gone, I can start my Lupron shots next week. If not, I have to go on birth control pills and, hopefully, start the shots in two weeks. I called the RE's office this morning to let them know that I got my period, so I'm officially "in" for IVF this cycle.......

When I called the hospital to schedule the ultrasound, they asked the usual information-name, date of birth, doctor's name, insurance company and policy number. Then, the woman on the phone asked for my "diagnosis"-that is, the code that the doctor wrote down on the prescription. So, I looked on the prescription, and on the bottom it said "Dx-628.9", so I dutifully read off the numbers to her, and ended the call.

I got curious as to what the code actually meant-in another life, before I entered the teaching profession, my "career" was in health insurance, and I used to know those codes backwards and forwards-CPT coding on claims, ICD-9 codes. So, I went to the good 'ol Internet and looked it up, and got this:

ICD-9 628.9=Infertility, female unspecified.

Now, I can admit that I am a female, and yes, I am currently infertile, but "unspecified"? I know exactly what is causing my infertility-the fact that my Fallopian tubes are stuck together like a melted rubber band. It kind of threw me for a loop, being labeled like that. It's like using the broad definition of "insane", instead of saying, "no, you asshole, I'm a delusional psychotic".

Hmmm.........I don't know if I'm liking this about:

628.9-Infertility, female with crappy unusable Fallopian tubes that has to go through numerous invasive and probably somewhat painful procedures to be able to have her own biological child, with no guarantee of success whatsoever.

I like that much better. At least it's honest.

Gotta go and drink my 40 ounces of water and try not to pee on myself between now and 7pm.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Syringes and meds and gels-oh my!

My prescriptions-all (gulp) eleven of them....

I had my second IVF class on Friday morning-honestly, it doesn't look too horrific, but ask me that in a few weeks time, once I start all this shit. The needles are a bit scary, and I'm afraid of fucking up the dosages, but I won't be giving myself more than 1cc of medication per syringe. I just need to be super-organized about the whole thing. The nurse showed me how to mix the medications (I only have to do that for two of the prescriptions, thank God!) and gave me a ton of information sheets. I got eleven (yes, eleven) prescriptions at my appointment. Here's a list of them in the order I'll be taking them:

Norinyl (birth-control pills to shrink off Mr. Buzzkill)
Lupron (shuts down my hormones so I don't release any eggies)
Follistim (superovulator-makes me produce lots of eggies)
Repronex (which I might or might not need, depending on my blood levels-it adds LH)
Pregnyl (aka the Butt Shot-it causes the eggs to mature so they can retrieve them)
Crinone (progesterone suppository that I'll be taking after embryo transfer to build up my endometrial lining and sustain a possible pregnancy)
22 gauge syringes with needles (self-explanatory)
25 gauge syringes with needles (again, self-explanatory)

I could seriously wallpaper my bathroom with all the prescription orders I've had in the last six months. It's good that I like the color blue, I suppose.......

It looks as if I could be injecting myself up to three times a day, depending on my hormone levels-what fun. Oh, yeah, I also have to get a transvaginal ultrasound-my FF buddy Shelli has appropriately named it the "Dildocam" ("I christen thee the DILDOCAM") to see what Mr. Buzzkill is doing, and I also need an EKG and chest x-ray. This isn't counting the ultrasound and blood "monitoring" I'll be having almost every other day from now until the retrieval. Since I oh so love the hospital, this should be a real treat........but, it's worth it if it means a baby (or two).

I got my period today, which was a good thing-in a sick way, I was excited and happy. Mind you, not "let's have a party" happy, like I was when I got it for the first time at age 14 (the last of my friends, btw), but happy in a "let's move on" kind of way. Hopefully this will be the last time I get it for a long while.

In other news, we FINALLY got Sean a new-ish car-a 2002 Honda CR-V EX, which is what he's been wanting since October. It only had 25K miles on it, is fully loaded, and is a nice ride. He's like a kid at Christmas-he drove over to show his dad this morning as a surprise. I'll try to take some pics of it today and put them up on here-he looks so cute driving it! We're meeting my aunt and uncle for dinner tonight at a fondue restaurant, so we'll be driving, I'm sure. It will be nice to see them-my uncle and I are nine years apart in age (he's 13 years younger than my mother), so we've acted more like brother and sister than uncle and niece. Plus, since I'm off from school tomorrow, I can drink *evil grin* and sleep in a bit. At least he's got an AWD vehicle just in time for the snowstorm that's set to come in tonight/tomorrow-I won't have to worry about him in the piece-of-shit-car. My friend M (the one who is seperated and getting divorced) and I were on the phone laughing our asses off last night talking about what to do with the car (we're donating it, btw-there's no way anyone would buy it, in the condition it's in). He could:

1. Leave it somewhere in Elizabeth with the keys in it.
2. Use it as a big-ass compost container.
3. Be total white-trash and park it on the back lawn, leave it to rust out, then;
4. Use it as an interesting planter/modern piece of lawn art.

We personally liked numbers 3 & 4, since that's what her white-trash in-laws (soon to be ex-inlaws, or "out-laws", as I like to call them) do at their house--they actually have two old cars in their backyard...maybe they'll take ours.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Blech! My life is so fuckin' boring!

Well, tomorrow morning I have my second IVF appointment with the nurse-practitioner-it's the dreaded "injectibles" class (duh duh DUH!!!!!), so I get to learn how to inject fertility drugs in my abdomen......

Think about it-someone's gonna teach me, in essence, to shoot up-heh.......

So, my mother is going to the appointment with me-I feel kinda bad, since she's working tonight (she's a nurse/supervisor and works nights) and will have about two hours of sleep, but she wanted to be there. Maybe I'll take her to the Short Hills Mall for lunch or something....

Not much else to report-I have off both Friday and Monday for President's Day-woot! But, I'm really not doing anything special. I AM going to try to get Sean to agree to a nice dinner out and nookie afterwards, but who knows what will happen-anyway, he needs to fix the ceiling from the Great Pipe-Fitting and Shit-Shoveling of '05. Every time someone flushes the toilet or takes a shower it sounds like the log flume ride down at Seaside Heights.......heh......I said "log" apropos!

I have a concert at school tonight too-our district has a interschool arts festival every year, and those people in the department who are not directors for that year are chaperones, so I'm off to sit with 180 chorus members in the 7th-12th grade. Hopefully they won't be too obnoxious, but you never know.......

Monday, February 14, 2005

As promised: Pics from the Great Pipe-Fitting and Shit-Shoveling of 2005

Okay, I do realize that it's Valentine's Day and all that jazz, but it's obvious that I don't have any plans tonight.....more on the reasons for that at another time......

The "Menz's" posing for March's issue of Plumber's Digest (hubby is the one in the baseball cap),,,,,

The offending culprit..............and then......... Brand new pipes! Ain't they purty?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

My Lenten Sacrifice

Tonight, I'll go to the 7pm Mass, as I do every year, and receive my ashes. I actually like this Mass-the reading about how to fast (basically, not to make a big production about it, like some do) is one of my favorites-plus, I'm in the choir and we're singing some cool stuff tonight. So, I've been thinking of what should be my Lenten Sacrifice for the year, and I've come up with this:

I'm giving up infertility for Lent.

Now, mind you, there are some things about that concept that I realize that I can't give up or change-you know, the non-working Fallopian tubes, but there are some things that I can do without. Here's a short list:

1. Worrying about whether I should eat/drink/go somewhere because I "might be pregnant". I have a better chance of going out on the Garden State Parkway and getting hit by a bus full of old-timers on the way to AC then getting pregnant on my own.
2. Timing sex-really, what a frickin' killjoy that is!
3. Charting my temperatures, peeing on ovulation sticks and checking for fertile cervical mucus (sorry if TMI, but it is necessary to do if you're TTC)-it's not going to make much of a difference, and I'd honestly rather sleep in a bit than stick a thermometer in my mouth at 6 am.
4. Not having to explain to friends/family members why Sean and I don't have children yet, and either see the pitying looks or hear about how their friend's-cousin's-mother-in-law's-sister went through IVF and had horrid complications. I know they mean well and are concerned, but it isn't going to change the fact that this is horrible for us, and that we're still doing it, regardless.
5. Feeling intense anger and jealousy when I hear that yet another friend/coworker/family member is pregnant-I am happy for them, but why are they allowed to achieve what I so desperately want with such ease? I want to run up to them and shake them, tell them not to take it for granted, that they could easily be me, infertile, childless.

So, we are moving onward through these forty days of Lent, and forward to Easter-a time for renewal, change and rebirth. Hopefully that will mean for me as well, both figuratively and literally. It's a time to start again.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The weekend that went to shit (literally)

Well, the weekend started out pretty good-I met my friend E, a TV news producer, in the city and had dinner in a cool restaurant, taking full advantage, of course, of NY Restaurant Week, split (okay, more than split) a bottle of Pinot Grigio, got more than tipsy, saw her office (cool place), and made my way to Penn Station to catch NJ Transit back home. I got home around 1:20am or so, tried to get some drunken nookie from the hubby, who wasn't amused-Jaysus, what happens to guys?? In our college days, a drunken girl trying to pull your pants off was an automatic chubby for a guy and guaranteed sex....*grumble grumble*....anyway, afterwards, he went to the basement for something and I went to the bathroom, did my business, and flushed-only to have Sean fly upstairs, freaking out, as water started pouring down from the ceiling in the basement.

Not good. Especially as this is the only bathroom in the house.

I pretty much sobered up at that point-really not good.

So, he says (it's 1:45 by now) that we'll need to figure out what the hell is going on in the morning, and to not flush the toilet until he can take a look at it-ewwwww, naaaaaasty!. The next morning, I go the bathroom, open up the toilet lid (we're a close-the-lid household) and there's almost no water in the bowl. Uh oh. Well, when you gotta go....I peed, left it there (yuck), then went back to bed. About twenty minutes later he yells upstairs to flush the toilet, which I did-and then he sees a puddle of water forming on the living room ceiling, right above where the bathroom is. Really really not good.

Now, Sean's totally freaking out-he had to cut a hole in the ceiling to see what the feck is going on, and sees shards of pipe all over the place. We call our friend G, a contractor and all around multi-talented guy, who came over, opened more of the ceiling, and found that our 80+ year old waste pipe collapsed into itself-really really really not good. Thank God and everyone else that they were able to refit the pipe themselves, or else we'd be out at least $2K. But, it left Saturday a mess, as Sean and G, gagging and grossed out, were literally shoveling shit out of the pipes that had started to back up, sawing the pipes out and putting brand-new PVC ones in. I had to go to my in-laws to use the potty (after holding it all in for like 10 or so hours-being a teacher makes you have the bladder capacity of a camel) and have a bit of peace and quiet because the "Men'zs", as they like to call themselves, tend to curse like longshoremen while working.

But, the pipes were done, new, working, and cleaner than anything. Of course, we have a lovely 3x4 foot hole in our ceiling, and a 2 foot one running down the living room wall, but Sean is the sheet-rock king, so I'm not worried. But, it threw a wrench (no pun intended) into most of the weekend.

I took some pics of the travesty-I'll post them later on, if I can.

Nothing new on the fertility front-the RE's office is working on the preauthorization from Oxford and my prescription carrier, and I have my next appointment (the dreaded injectibles class) on Friday the 18th. So far, everything is running as smoothly as it can. I'm almost waiting for something to get fucked up-Murphy's Law, right? But, right now I'm in infertility limbo, which isn't necessarily a bad thing-it gives me time to mentally and physically (I need to lose about 10 lbs) prepare for this.

Yeah, today was a boring post (not like the rest of them aren't, but hey, I doubt that many people, if any, read this to begin with) but that's okay.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Okay, this is WAY too fuckin' funny not to pass on:

It's got a link to sound bytes, plot and everything-this is actually a musical! heh.....

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch changes.......

Okay, I decided to seriously edit my blog for a few reasons:

1. I actually had the time to do it.
2. I finally figured out how to add links to my blog-yay!
3. Honestly, this was intended as a means of stress release (without having to park my ass in a therapist's office) for me, considering the mess we're going through now with infertility, so I might as well actually come out and change things to reflect it on my blog. That doesn't mean that I won't talk of things other than my fertility problems, or add my sarcastic, bitchy comments on the world at large, but hey, I really doubt that people read this anyway...and if you do, thank you!!

Now that I got that out of the way...........

I went for my first IVF appointment with the nurse-practitioner this morning-had to miss the third Wed of work in a row, but shit happens. Actually, I do feel a bit guilty about it-I hate that it's Wednesday, b/c that's when I have my 4th grade classes, but my supervisor is so nice about it-he told me that this is a medical issue and it needs to be taken care of, and that's why I have sick time. Still, that old Catholic guilt creeps up on me....well, I got a SHITLOAD of lab slips for all the bloodwork I'll be having (not looking forward to that), a prescription for birth control pills, a basic primer on IVF and a copy of my protocol. Since the RE is a solo practitioner, I actually have to go to a different clinic to have my embryo retrieval and transfer, which is only 7 miles away, so they require a chest x-ray, EKG and pre-admin testing (three more 'scripts). So, this is really going to happen. I'm still bitter about Mr. Buzzkill's appearance on the scene and having to go on the Pill again after almost three years-I hope the motherfucker shrinks like male genitalia touching cold water-but at least I will be able to start this sooner rather than later.

I go back on the 18th for the injectibles class (which I'm bringing my mom to), which still scares the shit out of me, but I only have to do micro-injections of the Lupron, the Follistim (which is a pre-loaded pen, like an Epi-pen they use for bee-sting allergies), and the Pregnyl, which is the hCG shot (and the one that goes in the ass)-the progesterone supplements will be suppositories. I'm not too thrilled about having swamp-crotch for awhile, but hey, it's better than shots of progesterone suspended in oil in my ass every night. I have to inject my meds at 8pm every night, which should be interesting if we want to go anywhere, and especially interesting on the nights that I have church choir rehearsal-I'll be shooting up in the church sacristy-nice, huh? That's me, allright, a hormonal junkie for Jesus........heh......

On another note, when I had the hysteroscopy, they had to do a blood type/crossmatch for my pre-admin testing, and I found out my blood type is A-, which the RE tells me is pretty uncommon. The upshot of this is that, if I ever do get preggers, my OB/GYN has to monitor me for Rh factor. So, the RE tells me that we need to find out Sean's blood type, so he calls his primary doc to request the labwork, and the doc's office tells him that insurance won't cover it, because the insurance does not consider it medically necessary. Are you fucking kidding me? Knowing your blood type isn't medically necessary!? God forbid that he ever needs an emergency blood transfusion in the event of an accident or anything! He tried to explain the situation to the nurse on the phone, but they said that he could do it on his own, but insurance won't cover it. So, I called Cigna up to see if this was really true, or if the doctor's office were being lazy bastards. Sure enough, it is true-the customer rep even said that it seemed weird.

Welcome to the wonderful world of medical insurance!

"Aww....FUCK! Not this shit again!"

"I said GERROF me, you poor-man's-Bill-Murray freak of nature!!"