Thursday, August 31, 2006

What Would You Do? *Updated*

I have a slight dilemma.

No, it's nothing serious, really-no spotting, no pain. In fact, I feel pretty frickin' good right now.

It's about whether or not I should cancel a twatotologist appointment.

I called for an appointment for my annual exam and pap smear way back at the beginning of July, and the first available appointment was for Tuesday, September 5th. Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it? It doesn't help that my twato is in a fairly busy practice, and he goes on vacation for two weeks in August. Oh, well.

Anyway, I made the appointment thinking that we'd have done this FET cycle already. I didn't figure that we'd be doing a syntethic cycle, or that it would've taken as long as it did. Now that we're in the (sort-of) two-week wait, I'm apprehensive about having him poking around down there before I know whether it worked or not. I called Big Important Clinic and spoke with Nurse Blondie, and she said that she didn't see any reason why I shouldn't be able to have a pap and exam, and that it shouldn't be detrimental But, I'm still unsure.

My instinct says to reschedule. Perhaps that's being overcautious, but I'd rather be that than too lax. And, I have to do it either today or tomorrow morning, as they require 24 hours notice for cancellations (and with it being a holiday weekend, I can't call on Monday).

So, what would YOU do?

--------------------------------------------------------------- *updated*

Thanks for the replies and for reassuring me that I'm not being paranoid. Twato's appt was duly cancelled this afternoon and rescheduled for the end of the month. Hopefully, though, it will become an OB appt.......

Thanks again-you guys rock!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Deed Is Done

Everything went well.

There were 5 embryos thawed. Out of the five, two made it-one 7-celled and one 5-celled (which was dividing right then and there). So they did Assisted Hatching and transferred the two in. It was pretty cool to watch, actually-the embryologist came out and checked my wristband and info, then told me that she put the monitor on so I could watch her load them into the catheter. The nurses pointed out on the screen where they were, and they were so tiny. We had to repeat it as one of the embryos didn't come out of the catheter and they had to redo it-the nurses and RE joked that it "must be a boy-the boys always do that". Then they wheeled me out, I rested for 20 minutes, peed like a racehorse, dressed and went home.

I go in for a progesterone check on Sunday, then the beta will be on Sunday, September 10th. The day before Sean's birthday. I won't try to read into that one....

So, that's it-I'm gonna hang out on the couch for the rest of the day, and just wait....

Oh, yeah........we were also given a picture of them-I'll post them tomorrow (along with their "names").

Back to the couch-rest......

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Shit, Or Get Off The Pot

Well, my friends, it's that time. Again. D-day is just about here. In about 15 hours I'll be assuming the position and will hopefully have a couple of good embryos transferred.

As of today, lining is at 9mm-good enough. I was kind of wishing that it would be at 10 by now, but hey-9 is good. The RE seems happy with it, so I guess I should be too.

I had my PIO shot tonight-had to go to M's house, as she wasn't feeling too well. Although I did have to venture out in the crappiest weather ever, there was a benefit-I've now got a shiny new Batman adhesive firmly attached to my right ass-cheek (courtesy of J, who wanted to "help"). Shit, if I didn't have to shower tomorrow, I'd leave it on to make the nurses laugh. Should've got an extra one......

I've got my big-ass bottle of water at the ready, a reminder to not wear any fragrances (ewww.....) and the poonanny will be checked for neatness in honor of the RE's arrival with the Catheter of Hopes and Dreams.

Thanks for the well-wishes (and D2 fans-YAH!)-really, they mean a lot to me right now. More than I could ever express with the paltry written word. I'm having a hard time right now-I'm going back and forth between "I really think this will work this time" to "Oh, boy-you're SO fucked". I'm trying not to jinx myself, but.........well, you all know what it's like to let that crooked auld sow called Hope in. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Or expect too much-I always get the shaft on that one (and it's not the "shaft" that we all want, unfortunately).

I'll be back tomorrow to update afterwards with all the juicy details. You're all the best, truly-I wouldn't know where I'd be without you all out there in Bloglandia.

Let the Two Week Wait Begin........

Monday, August 28, 2006

(Waiting For The) Nightboat....

The call came. You know.............the CALL.

August 30th, 1:30pm-be at outpatient clinic with a big-ass bottle of water.

Transfer will be at 2:30pm. No word on the embryos yet-we won't hear anything until Wednesday afternoon, which scares the shit out of me, but since it's nothing I can control I refuse to dwell too long over it.

I go for a pre-transfer wanding and bloodletting tomorrow morning, and then.......I wait.


If you could name the artist of the above song title, you're my NBF (New Best Friend).....

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Cravings.......Nothing More Than Cravings......

I've been having some food issues lately. I go back and forth between not being that hungry to being ravenous-like I'll rip your arm off if I don't get food, STAT.

That, and the.......uh.....digestive issues that are cropping up. Don't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities, but suffice it to say that most times, after I eat, the need to use the bathroom overrides any other activity. Which sucks when you're in public. Need I say more?

I know that it's the Estrace talking. I checked with Dr. Google, and it's all part of the side effects. But, I'm trying to eat healthy foods, and smaller meals more times during the day (even when I'm not hungry, which isn't the best feeling), so I don't get that feeling. I'm also really REALLY trying to not pay attention to the cravings, or otherwise I'd become a house.

Of course, I should have been paying more attention last night when I asked Sean to go out and get me a Reese's ice cream sundae from Friendly's. Complete with peanut-butter and fudge sauce, whipped cream and cherry. And when I finished the whole thing. Oh, did I mention that I'm lactose-intolerant, and didn't take anything beforehand? Yeah. You can probably envision the rest of THAT scenario.

Just wait until we add PIO to the cocktail-that's when the REAL fun begins.

Sean says that it's good practice for him when (oh, he's so positive!) I'm the P-word. And, he's been a trooper, I'll give him that.

Let's hope that he'll have lots of time for practicing. About 9 months of it.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Seven Days

It reminds me of that movie "The Ring", where they get the phone call and you hear (think scary whisper):

" days........."

and then the phone disconnects.

Seven days until the transfer of some (hopefully) good embryos.  I find out in 5 days how many embryos they thawed and the status of them. 

I've decided that, at this point, there's nothing that I can do.  Things are either going to work, or they're not.  And that makes me feel better.

Seven days.

Monday, August 21, 2006

A Sigh of Relief...At Least, A Little One

I spoke with Nurse Blondie this morning over the phone about my FET dates. She reassured me of the following:

1. My lining is at 8mm, which is good for transfer.
2. The reason for the 8/30 transfer date is not because my uterus is a shitstorm or my ovary is playing Hide the Salami, but simply because they wanted to make sure that Dr. Pipsqueak was the one doing the transfer, instead of the RE on call for the week.
3. They don't need to see me this week, so I don't have to go in for monitoring until the 29th.

So I'm breathing a small sigh of relief. Plus, Blondie (I love her, btw!) assured me that, although my lining is good for transfer, another week on the meds will only make it better-she's predicting 10mm by transfer (I should have wagered a bet, but hell.....I'm piss poor right now).

As for school starting-eh. I'm feeling "eh" about everything. I still haven't gotten jack shit from my department head about my schedule or even if I'm posted in the same schools this year. Since we start soon, perhaps that would be nice, huh? It would be helpful to have some notice if I have to move crap from one school to another. But, I refuse to stress about it. I have to be as relaxed as possible those first two weeks of school, no matter what.

I have no choice not to. The alternative is just not acceptable to me.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

S and The Incredibly Annoying Perpetual Synthetic Cycle

I had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn this morning for monitoring-I was out of the house at 6am, and at the office by 6:30. Needless to say, I am wiped out right now, and not in the best mental state to write this.

When am I ever in the "right" mental state? Yeah, you get the point.

Here are the three reasons I'm not getting a good feeling about the outcome of this FET (although, if I'm wrong I'll gladly eat my words, with a side of sarcasm):

When I got in this morning there was a minor calamity going on. Apparently, the computer system in the department went down, so everything had to be done longhand, which took forever. When the vampire blood-sucking wildebeast from hell lovely phlebotomist took my liquid gold sample
from my arm, she had to move the needle because the flow of blood stopped. Uh....can you say holymotherfuckingshitfuckingwhorethatHURTS! Yeah, I knew ya could....

Then, during my date with the Uterine Lurve Wand, the RE (not Dr. Pipsqueak this time, it's Dr. Cheery) finds a big cyst on the left side of my ovary-a large dark mass. She doesn't seem concerned though, as she feels it's a leftover corpeus luteum cyst from last cycle (she said that the telltale sign is the ragged edges of the cyst). Although why she didn't see that before today is unnerving and freaking me out, but okay, I'll go with it...

So, off I go to work (it's my weekend to sing). Whilst I'm at work, nice nursey (not Blondie) calls, and
Sean takes the message as to what I need to do. Here it is:

*This week, stay on the same dosages (.05 IU Lupron, 2 tabs Estrace 3x daily)
*8/27-Stop Lupron, start PIO injections, Doryx and Medrol (I'm assuming that they'll start thawing too)
*8/28-Wait for phonecall from office as to time of transfer
*8/29-Go in for morning monitoring
*8/30-Transfer day, time TBD

Now, there's nothing said here as to whether or not I need to come in this week for monitoring, which baffles me, so I have to call Nurse Blondie in the morning to see what the deal is.

So, the transfer date is the 30th-I go back to school on September 1st-Yah, let's have the 2ww during the first two weeks of school.......sweet........

The whole point of doing a FET in the summer was so that I could be stress free! What is taking so fucking long? I feel like I've been on the drugs for months now-I've been on the Lupron since August 1st, and the Estrace since the 7th (13 days now)-shouldn't that have been enough?? ARRGH!

I guess that technically I'm on day 13 of this cycle, since I had a "period" (it's really withdrawal bleeding, but hey, let's not get hung up on semantics), so I can't complain that much, but it feels like fucking forever (I started the BCP's back on July 23rd). I'm starting to experience more of the side effects now-I feel more agitated, and less likely to have patience. That should be fun during the first two weeks of school, right? Especially when I teach my 6 kindergarten classes, when they're all freaking out and crying.........yeah, that should be real fun. Can't wait.

With the way I'm feeling right now, I'd rather stick a sharpened #2 pencil in my eye. Or, someone else's. I'm not going to discriminate.

Well, I've got a tentative transfer date-I should be happy, right? Then why do I think I am seriously screwed? I can feel it, creeping up on me, like a fungus. I'm trying to be positive, but it's getting really difficult.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Nesting, In More Ways Than One

Lining check, as of yesterday-7mm. Estrace dose upped from 2 pills twice daily to two pills three times daily. I go back in on Sunday morning for another date with the Wand.

They're tentatively telling me that the transfer will be sometime next week, but I'll have more info on Sunday as to an exact date.

As for side effects, they're not too bad. Sometimes I feel a little queasy or dizzy-more so in the past day or so, since the dose is upped-and I'm bloated and tired. No wacky mood swings though, which is a treat. Oh, yeah, and I'm breaking out like a fifteen-year old, which is always a joy. Remind me to take out my leg-warmers and stirrup stretch-pants so I can truly look the part.

It's one of the reasons that I'm looking forward to the progesterone. It makes my skin and hair look FAB. Sounds sick, doesn't it? Looking forward to getting my ass jabbed with a two inch needle so I can have nice skin and hair. I call it a fringe benefit, thankyouverymuch.

So, Dr. G seems pleased with the progress. I've never done a medicated FET before, and my last FET they didn't really go into detail about lining-they were more preoccupied with whether or not I ovulated, so I'm not sure that if the lining is good for being on Estrace for nine days (now ten). We'll find out soon enough.

I've got two weeks reprieve until the prepping for school starts. I'll have to go back and set everything up, get class listings, open supplies, blah blah blah. Although, this year will be interesting, since I'll be doing this post-transfer, and can't lift anything heavy. So, it will be a little limiting-depending on my schedule (which I still don't have yet), I'll have to set up one school more than the other, since I travel and am never in the same place. Yuck.

I was hoping, when we started this FET, that I'd be already post-beta by the time school began, but it is quickly becoming a pipe dream-in fact, beta day looks to be around the first week of school. I didn't want to have to be traveling back and forth to the clinic those first few weeks, since it will be hectic (especially because I'll have a new principal-again-in one of my postings), but since I can't control it, I won't worry too much about it. There's nothing I can do to change it.

I am sort-of ready to go back. Not ready for the stress, the nasty kids, the teachers that treat me like crap or the lack of administrative support-I'm never ready for that. But, I've made an educational resolution to really try and not let those things fill my brain and make me mental. Teaching can be stressful enough, and, should this FET work, I want to be as zen as possible.

Also, the odd thought of "perhaps I won't be there for the entire year" helps with that resolution. Which I push out of my head as soon as it flies in there. Don't want to hope, just yet-it's too early for that.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Busy Busy Beaver

Yes, I'm still alive. We were busy this weekend-my parents moved to the Jersey Shore and Sean and I went to help with the unpacking. I do have to say that it was nice to sleep at home last night!

I had a monitoring appointment on Friday, before I left for the Shore. Dr. G did the wanding and found that my lining was a little thin, and there was fluid in my uterus-wtf? So she asked me if I had any bleeding, and I said I did, but it stopped two days before. Turns out that there was a blood clot in there that was keeping everything else from voiding, and she had to get a speculum and catheter suck the fluid out-yummy! But, she did up my dose of Estrace, so that's what is important, right?

I'm starting to feel a bit more of the side effects of the Estrace-bloating, a little dizziness and some queasiness-that I'm sure that will increase when the dose is upped again. I just feel like a fat mess right now, like everything is spreading out. I'm not even really hungry, either. I go back tomorrow again, so hopefully we'll find out if there's a projected transfer date.

Grow lining, grow! Momma needs to transfer some totsicles in there!!!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Why I Know That My Husband Is Messed Up In The Head

Here we are, on a Monday evening, channel-surfing, and come across a rerun of "Supernanny"-you know, the usual array of scary, undisciplined children and harrassed parents begging for someone to teach them how to handle their "unruly" children.

This week's episode is a single-mother with 5 kids-a girl and two sets of twin boys......all demon spawn. I actually feel bad for this woman. She's divorced, apparently raising these kids all by herself, and she's also going back to school to get her teaching certificate. She's also totally overwhelmed and her kids are all acting out, physically and emotionally.

So, Supernanny puts out the classic time-out area, complete with cushions, for children who don't abide by the house rules, and creatively calls it the "Thinking Pond"; so as to have the children ponder their actions and be able to cool off.

My lovely Sean, watching the debacle unfold where the mother, on her "own" (with Supernanny watching on closed-circuit TV) with her kids, is wrestling her hissing, spitting spawn onto the
cushions after they try beating the crap out her, says this Pearl of Wisdom:

"You know, if they were my kids, I wouldn't call it the 'Thinking Pond'.......I'd get a beat-up old refrigerator box, open it up, put it in the corner with a stool in it and call it the 'Shitty Shack'".

This, friends, is the man I want to raise children with. And yes-I still want to, despite the.....uh...."creative parenting ideas". Go figure.

I must be nuts.

Props, and Hooray for Estrace!

I have officially been "cleared". I took my first Estrace tablet about two hours ago, with another one scheduled for later tonight. I'm on my way, people. And about bloody time, too.

As for my last post/webslap-that was WAY overdue, in my opinion. That was for every person who gave me retarted assvice, for every Fertile who didn't even try to understand. It was four years in the making, and, although it sucks to have to do it, it was necessary and cleansing, emotionally. So, I'm not sorry that I did it. It was done for all of us, really. It was the proverbial letting off of steam, in print form. And I feel a hell of a lot more centered and emotionally grounded now.

But, words cannot express how much you guys fuckin' ROCK out there in Bloglandia. I meant what I said-I AM proud to be a Barren Bitch and to be a part of this community. That's not to say that we all wish that we never had to be in our collective situations, or that we don't want to be "different" from other women; but, no matter how we ultimately have our children (or whether we have them at all), it is infertility that is a part of our being-like it, or not.

I've found more support here than within my own family and circle of friends. And it's a community of people that I've never physically met (with the exception of a few of you). It's just amazing how something like infertility (or any issue, really) can cause you to bond with women around the world, withough ever setting foot in front of each other. Just amazing.

Thank you, all of you-it's nice to know that you've got my back. And, know that I'll always have yours, no matter what.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Webslapping the Ignorant

I swore to myself that I wasn't going to write about this.

That it wasn't worth it.

That perhaps I was going to be the better person and just ignore it.

Well.........I don't really think so. Not anymore.

Now, as some of you are well aware, I had posted on Monday about my friend M and the saga that continues about her (the post is directly below this one). And, as is my usual way, wrote candidly about how she (and other women who never went through infertility) didn't get it when it came to what I'm going through. Which has been a common theme lately with her (and I've blogged about before). And, I received a comment (the first comment, actually) from a woman named L, who posted the following:


Babies are like buses when you dont expect them they suddenly come along.

Being around babies wont jinx you but being overly desperate to have one will. Relax and let it happen.If its meant to, it will.

I don't really think I need to elaborate on this, right? You can probably see where this is going.

So, I (very tactfully, I thought) crafted a reply to her that I felt was not mean or nasty (although I could have easily been, but I refrained from doing so-what's the point?), posted it on both her blog and in my comments, and left it at that.

Of course, it's never that simple, is it?

I'm sure, if you click the link to her blog, you'll see her "reply" to Monday's comment and her post from today. Now, as I said, I was going to leave it alone, because it's really not worth it. But, hell hath no fury than a woman on Lupron, and I'm not about to let someone get me down. I'm from New Jersey, dammit-land of "The Sopranos"-and you don't fuck with an Italian-American Jersey Girl. Ever.

*Sigh* Now I've got to open a big 'ol can of Whoop-Ass on her and webslap her. And it's not going to be pretty. She asked for it, however.

So, L-get a clue. Really. I tried to be nice about it. I tried to be tactful. Hell, I've even tried to be helpful by guiding you to resources that would help you understand infertility. Here was your response to that (on your blog):

Dear S

I am sorry if you think I was "blase" and offended
you.I was only trying to be realistically supportive rather than
blandly supportive. I was told I couldn't have children and was lucky
enough to fall pregnant and have two children by my partner by
"mistake".Thsi only happened when I finally "relaxed" and actually ate

But I do understand, my mum went 10 years before
falling with me and my friend is infertile due to v.bad P.O.S. Another
friend just finally fell pregnant after 3 rounds of IVF and she is
expecting twins.

I was not being narrow minded I was just trying
to be realistic. It isn't pleasant to feel (as a mother) that women who
are (not yet) mothers look down on us as annoying and "gooey" over

I hope very much you get the children you desperately
want.They will just be glad you are their mother and not be bothered
that they were not "naturally" conceived.

First of all, never once did I say you were "blase". I did say that your comments were ignorant, but it perplexes me as to why you keep quotating the word "blase". But, I won't get hooked up on semantics right now. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

I think that it's great that you were able to conceive and give birth to two children ("by mistake") even though you were told otherwise, and only after you "relaxed and actually ate properly". Really. I'm glad that it "worked" for you. And, did you go to an infertility specialist to find that treatment? Did you go through ANY infertility testing at all for a medical professional with a subspeciality in reproductive endocrinology to diagnose you as infertile? Or was it just something a general GYN might have mentioned in passing, during an exam?

And, how can you "understand" just because it took your mother 10 years to have you? Do you, perhaps in some pre-conception cognitive moment, happen to psychically connect to your mother and happen to remember her experience? You mention that you have two friends who have experienced infertility-did you make the same type of insensitive comments to them? If you did (which for some reason, I wouldn't doubt), then you are a truly rude and ignorant person, hands down.

Being "realistic" isn't a reason to make stereotypical, opinionated and unsubstantiated comments to people you obviously cannot relate to. Your comments were rude and uncalled for, not "realistic". Believe me, I've had enough realism to last me a lifetime. I don't need someone who has NO idea what I've been through (although you claim you do; however I've never had a woman who is infertile and now has children say that to me, which makes me doubt your claim). Your comments, to an infertile, are just as offending as calling a gay man a "fag" or someone who is Jewish a "kike". Perhaps you think that I'm overreacting, but I guarantee that if you took a poll about whether or not your initial comments could be viewed as offensive, you'd see how many people would agree.

Perhaps, if you actually READ my posts (instead of skimming through them to get a general idea and to search things you perceive as unpleasant), you would see that Monday's post follows a long issue I have with a friend of mine, who, while not as obviously crass as yourself, doesn't get it, even though she has witnessed my whole journey. A person who seems like Mahatma Gandhi compared to you, might I add.

I am sorry that you feel that I was attacking women with children; however, I don't know how your quote "It isn't pleasant to feel (as a mother) that women who
are (not yet) mothers look down on us as annoying and "gooey" over
came out of my post. I never said that mothers were "annoying" or "gooey" over children. I don't "look down" on mothers-that's absurd. I did say that I find it difficult when mothers who have NO CLUE OR EMPATHY expect you to gaggle over their children, knowing that you've just finished your umpteenth IVF cycle and have had another cancellation/failure/miscarriage, YET THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST SHAKE IT OFF AND MOVE ON. That it's so easy, if you just "relaxed" and didn't think about it. And, for the record, I don't dislike children, not in the least. If I did, why would I be going through this, and why would I have decided to leave my cushy corporate job to educate young children? I do, however, dislike people who are self-absorbed and make everything about themselves, which you obviously do.

Tell me, have you gone through IVF? Given yourself needles in your abdomen up to four times a day, fill yourself with drugs that fuck with your body, and then have to go and get blood drawn and ultrasounds daily? Go through incredibly painful surgical procedures to retrieve eggs, and not be able to take ANYTHING, except for OTC Tylenol? Ever gain 20 pounds of fluid in three days, where it's pressing against your lungs and impeding your breathing, and you can't walk or sit up straight or even lie down without being strangled by the fluid, and then have to have a needle put in your abdomen to drain the fluid out, or else your kidneys will shut down and you could die? Ever miscarried? Go through the pain, physical and emotional, knowing your body is rejecting the one thing you want most? Waiting for days for your body to expell a child, and wondering when it will be, would it hurt, what will I see when it happens? Ever watch your husband cry with joy when you tell him he's going to be a father, then see him weep when he finds out that the baby died?

I doubt it, considering your comments. You wouldn't have made them if you went through it.

I'm one of the lucky ones, when it comes to infertility. There are those of us who have gone through so much more pain-late-term losses where they had to give birth to babies that were already dead, genetic issues, recurrent miscarriages with no idea why. I've had a walk in the park, comparatively speaking. But, that doesn't make my journey any less significant, which any of them would tell you.

And, why would I think that my children would be "bothered" as to how they are conceived? You're making no sense, unless I assume that you're responding about how I said that, unfortunately, we won't have any cutesy stories about getting knocked up the old-fashioned way. I wouldn't even "bother" a child as to how they were made. If they were older and they asked, I would explain it to them, saying that it was even more special, because they were truly wanted and that we did everything humanly possible to get them there, and that makes them a special blessing.

You have no right to get defensive because I was offended by your "phrasing". Perhaps you need to need to figure out exactly what you want to write before you get diarrhea of the mouth. Perhaps you need to be fully educated about what you're commenting about. I'd never dream saying "well, just don't make yourself throw up" or "just eat" to you, since you say you have an eating disorder, because that's a rude and ignorant comment, not a "realistic" one. A good example of a "realistic" comment might be "sorry you're having a hard time-I hope you can work through it". Oh, yeah, it's also empathetic. Just another hint, there.

Don't get pissy because you weren't understood, or that I didn't agree with you. It's your own fault. Don't think you can troll my blog, give me lame assvice, and not expect retribution. Because, as you can see, you're not the only one that reads my blog. And I can't be responsible for what happens after that. This is a public domain-you have the right to make your comments, just as I have a right to show you that what you said was shitty and uncalled for. And you have no right to be pissed off for that-it's your own damn fault.

And yes, I said "trolled". Because that's what you are-a Troll. Going from blog to blog and leaving your assvice across the blogosphere. Because I'm not the only one you did this to-you trolled another person's blog and blasted a commenter for something YOU didn't agree with . Oh, poor us-we disagreed with your concept of how the world should be. So sorry, thought I was allowed to, considering it IS my blog. And I have just as much of a right to defend what I've written, considering that it's MY reality and what I go through every day.

I'm not denying or confirming that you've been through hard times and they're a part of your "tapestry", but, as far as I'm concerned, infertility ain't one of them, sister. Maybe if you went into detail as to those horrific things that happened, I might not be so "aggressively pissed off". Perhaps you need to fix what's wrong with YOUR life (a man who claims that he "doesn't love you", that you have two children with? Being so "bored" while on maternity leave that you're a shopaholic and making your partner pay double the mortgage?) before you start feeling the need to fix what's lacking in mine. I'd rather pay a professional $150 an hour to do that than have you do it-at least a therapist doesn't try to make you feel like shit in the process.

Oh, and by the way, your last comment? "Those who take crap so terribly seriously can be weighed down by it and let it rule them, I dont."? Honey, I don't let my infertility "rule" me. I'm not "weighted down by it". I take it seriously because it's a DISEASE, you fuckwit. A DISEASE that, if untreated, will lead me to be CHILDLESS. Why wouldn't I take that seriously? Wouldn't you? Or are you so laid back that nothing bothers you? Or is that a defensive mechanism? You obviously don't let ANYTHING rule you, tact and common courtesy included.

Incidentally, that last line is also gramatically incorrect. A fractured
sentence, to be precise-just remember: Subject + Verb = Complete
Thought. Which yours obviously was not-it was neither complete, nor
though-out. Make that your homework, before you troll someone else's blog.

Just stay off of my blog. I don't need your assvice and shitty attitude-I am proud to be a Barren Bitch, part of a community that is strong, supportive and welcoming. I don't need your ignorance and your judgemental attitude. And I certainly don't need the stress right now.

And, if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself.

Good luck with therapy, sweetie-it's obvious you desperately need it.