Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Celebrations and Etiquette

So, I have a small dilemma. Of course, I could be overreacting, but, perhaps not.

We usually spend New Years with a certain group of friends that we met through the theatre circuit. We've celebrated each other's weddings and have hung out together for the past 8 years or so. We started celebrating New Year's together in 2000, the year that Sean and I were married, and alternated between our house and another friend's house ("K"). K was married last year (I sang at her beautiful Vermont wedding), and she hosted the holiday last year as she had the new home. So, this year is supposed to be my year.

Although I'm really not in the mood to celebrate the holidays, I thought that perhaps planning this party will put me in the spirit, so I sent an email out last Friday to our regular crew of 12 to find out who was planning to come. The last time that I saw or spoke to any of them was around Halloween, when we went to K's house for a pumpkin-carving party, and of course my IVF woes kept me busy after that (I was on Lupron then) As of today, I have only heard from two couples, and they aren't sure whether or not they are able to come.

Now, here's the thing. K is the type of person who is a stickler on etiquette-I wouldn't be surprised if she had a signed copy of Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette stashed under her bed. She has yet to contact me (I even called her and left a message before I sent out the mass email, and haven't heard back from her). Now, I could say that perhaps she and her husband are away, but she's addicted to technology, and carries her laptop everywhere-she can't live without her email-so I can't say that she hasn't gotten it. I've also seen her on IM, but she hasn't even IM'd me. If it were her throwing the party and nobody responded, she'd be upset (she's actually commented about that kind of behavior before with other people). WTF?

So, what do I do? Should I send another email, saying "Yo, WTF'? Ignore it and accept that everyone is perhaps blowing me off, which is really shitty and horrible? I don't know how to handle this. I am a little bit upset about it-I mean, respond back with a simple "yes" or "no". I feel like people are seeing if they have anything better going on first, which is really crappy if true because we've spent the last five New Year's together.........if they wanted to stop the tradition, just say it, you know? It would make me especially sad to stop it as it would be a great distraction for me-having to shop and cook and make the house all pretty knowing we were having a party is fun. And then, it makes me wonder-if they do want to stop it, is it because I'm a different person? Maybe I'm not fun to be around anymore, because of all this infertility shit? Maybe these people are just "fair-weather friends"-you know the type, the ones that are around when the going's good, but when you're going through shit, they are suddenly MIA-and I'm expecting way too much from them? Who knows.

I have no idea what to think, or do. New Year's Eve is about two weeks away, so I need to know quickly. I know that I need to just get the balls and just find out, but I'm afraid of what I'll hear.

Sigh.....just so complicated.


Shelli said...

I'd simply write: "Hey! Are y'all fat asses blowing me off? Just let me know. Love ya, S!"

Seriously - it's SO you, and it's humor, but it's kind of serious, too - it shoudl light that fire under their asses.

If they bail on you (WHORES!) then you and the Mr. buy tickets to Seattle, and spend it with Narda and I at the Space needle!


Lindy said...

I agree with Shelli. I think it's perfectly fine to send an email asking them WTF? Though I also wouldn't be too worried yet - it hasn't even been quite a week and things are crazy for everyone this time of year.

You're a very brave soul indeed to be going forward with the party... but I'll bet you're right that it'll be a good distraction.

cat said...

Agree with the other ladies... humor works wonders. It is rude not to rsvp and they should have by now. It drives us nutso as well.

If your friends are being fair weather that's just not nice. Especially when you all have a tradition.

A little hey what's up ??? does not seem inappropriate.

nosouthernbelle said...

New to your site. Agreed infertility sucks. Worse when they can't come up with an explanation. Over three years and counting.

thalia said...

Send them a funny stroppy email - it's completely reasonable. It's horrible that you're just left hanging in the balance on this. Give them a kick in the butt!