Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Hope Springs Eternal (Yet Again)

Thanks ladies, for the encouraging words. It's hard not to get excited, but, I've been through this before. I just don't want to get my hopes up yet again.

I was feeling sort of disloyal after we got home, about changing doctors. Sean thinks that I'm insane-we're ultimately paying, albeit through insurance, for services, and if we can get them elsewhere in a better place I shouldn't feel bad about changing. Which, deep down, I do know (and I'm still switching). But, it's like changing your hairdresser-as much as you hate not getting an appointment and getting bullied into that "new" cut that you just can't style the same way at home as in the salon, you don't want to start over, either. Don't worry, I'll get over it.

It also seems as if that auld 'ho Auntie Flo should be here within the next day or so, which is great. If she shows up tomorrow (which I have the feeling she will), then I can go on Saturday morning to the Big Important Clinic to get my cycle day 3 bloodwork, and not have to miss any work-yay! One of the advantages of a big clinic-weekend hours and monitoring hours starting at 6:30am. Not to mention that coffee machine and pastry basket. Yeah, I know-the small things make me happy.

Everyone tells me that they have a "good feeling" about making the move; that, under the eye of a large, successful clinic in a teaching hospital I'll have the odds going for me. Realistically, it's probably true. Emotionally, well..........that's another issue. I'm afraid to get excited. Perhaps the stress of having to micromanage myself medically in Dr. Vest's office, as well as the wacky office hours (monitoring three days a week, the other two days closed by 11:30 am, and no weekends) added to the stress of having to do a cycle. It seems as if there's many more people to call if you have a question, not to mention a nurse on-call in the evenings. I guess it's the mark of a good, professional clinic-one that realizes that a woman's cycle doesn't comply with the 9-5, Monday through Friday mentality.

Okay, I admit it-I'm sort of excited. Scared shitless, but still excited.


Sunnie said...

Aww I am glad you're excited! And doesn't it make such a difference when there are early monitoring hours? OOOH and pastries? Sign me up!

I think I will put that in our suggestion box!

Lut C. said...

How can you not feel a little excited. You're starting something new.
I'm switching doctor too and the anticipation is rising!

Thalia said...

it sounds as if you are absolutely making the right move. I cannot imagine operating under the restrictions at your last clinic. I also know how you feel, but you are doing the right thing, and your doctor will understand.

Betty said...

Go for it, let that excitement out!! A change is as good as a holiday so they say! The opening hours sound great. A nurse on call in the evenings is a wise decision, I have often needed to ask a question or check something in the evening. My clinic has quite good opening hours and they include Saturday but not Sunday. The clinic in my home town sounds terrible, they get everyone's cycles in sync so that the women will fit in with their limited opening hours and they only do stimulated and frozen transfers evert second month. That would drive me crazy!

Shelli said...

of course you are scared shitless.

I'm scared and terribly excited for you too.

SO terribly excited, dear S.

love you,
S (squared) :)

cat said...

Scared shitless sounds about normal right now. It's difficult to trust in hope again but perhaps this time she will listen and stay around for dinner, the hussy.

*scared shitless and full of hope for you too*

ilyse said...

Totally understand the scared shitless and I am so glad that you are excited!! I'm excited too for you.