I've been meaning to post on the results of Dr. Pipsqueak's appointment, but being that the first day of school is fast approaching (t-minus 4 days and counting-ouch!), I've been busy trying to get organized in both of my schools-getting schedules, dealing with additional special ed classes being added to my schedule last minute, tracking down supplies.........all those fun things that we teachers love to do to get ready for the arrival of the kids. That, and drinking heavily between now and the first day of school.
Now, onto the appointment results....
So, the upshot is that all the karyotyping and Fragile X testing came back normal for both Sean and myself, as well as the physical and ultrasound I had on Tuesday afternoon. Which I'm relieved about, because I was convinced that they were going to find that I was some reproductive mutant with latent pyrotechnic abilities that might trigger with a Lupron/Follistim cocktail (hmmm....gotta find an X-Men name for that one...). As for the HSG results, the right tube is open and ready for business, the left is blocked fimbrially, but there is no need to remove the tube as it wasn't dilated prior to the dye being introduced during the test. I did ask her if it was realistic to try on our own and hope for natural conception, and her exact words were, "I'd definitely try if I were you", but, if we want to do another cycle, we're cleared for it. If we do manage to get pregnant on our own, however, they still need to monitor me closely, since my risk of ectopic pregnancy jumps from 5% to 25%.
And that was that. Other than having the nurses in hysterics when I talked about getting the Follicular Lurve Wanding (and yes, I actually DID say that-why not!?). Now, the choice has to be made.
Do I go ahead with another cycle, or do we try this on our own? Am I really ready for the monitoring, injections, and stress? Do I want to put myself through the TTC au natural again?
ARRGH.....I hate this! On one hand, I feel like time is ticking away-I'll be 35 in six weeks time-and that with the passing of that birthday it will be like an Ovarian Death Sentence and that suddenly my body will not be as cooperative in the egg quality department. But, I don't want to rush into a cycle that could potentially fail just because I'm passing the Magic Fertility Cut-Off Number, especially as it's the last time it will be fully covered by insurance. On the other hand, I never really gave the TTC on our own a fighting chance-well, we did try on our own for almost a year, but I don't think that I ever really got the timing right, plus all the charting/temping crap just aggravated the hell out of me. Then, by the time I got the Fertility Monitor, I only used it one or two cycles before I got my initial diagnosis, then stopped as I thought it was a collosial waste of time-what was the point of knowing when I ovulated when I was being told that both of my tubes are blocked?
Of course, now that I'm being told that there's one open tube, it's throwing a wrench in everything. Yes, I know that I have a higher risk of ectopic, that just because the dye spilled doesn't mean that the inside of the tube isn't damaged in some way-I mean, we've been having unprotected sex for five years now and I've never gotten pregnant. But, I've also been looking up the probability of getting pregnant on my own, and as long as the tube and ovary are good, I have a shot as much as anyone. Hell, if my mother, who only has one tube and ovary (she lost the other side due to a dermoid cyst the size of a grapefruit on her ovary) and was told that she might never conceive managed to do it twice in 20 months (yeah, she got pregnant with my brother six weeks after I was born), and one more time 10 years later (and lost it), maybe I can, too.
But, the thing that is nagging me the most is the strong gut feeling that I'm having to try it on my own-a last hurrah, if you will. That it could work without medical intervention. I've never felt like this during this entire TTC journey. But, I'm afraid that this isn't a true instinct , but is just a reaction against doing a cycle, due to fear of failure.
Yet, I'm still getting this odd feeling that I'm being guided to this choice somehow. Needless to say, I'm more than confused as to which choice to make, and nobody around here (excepting present company, of course!) that has a clue to really hash it out with.
So, tell me.....................what would you do?