Saturday, September 01, 2007

Red Light, Green Light

I've been meaning to post on the results of Dr. Pipsqueak's appointment, but being that the first day of school is fast approaching (t-minus 4 days and counting-ouch!), I've been busy trying to get organized in both of my schools-getting schedules, dealing with additional special ed classes being added to my schedule last minute, tracking down supplies.........all those fun things that we teachers love to do to get ready for the arrival of the kids. That, and drinking heavily between now and the first day of school.

Now, onto the appointment results....

So, the upshot is that all the karyotyping and Fragile X testing came back normal for both Sean and myself, as well as the physical and ultrasound I had on Tuesday afternoon. Which I'm relieved about, because I was convinced that they were going to find that I was some reproductive mutant with latent pyrotechnic abilities that might trigger with a Lupron/Follistim cocktail (hmmm....gotta find an X-Men name for that one...). As for the HSG results, the right tube is open and ready for business, the left is blocked fimbrially, but there is no need to remove the tube as it wasn't dilated prior to the dye being introduced during the test. I did ask her if it was realistic to try on our own and hope for natural conception, and her exact words were, "I'd definitely try if I were you", but, if we want to do another cycle, we're cleared for it. If we do manage to get pregnant on our own, however, they still need to monitor me closely, since my risk of ectopic pregnancy jumps from 5% to 25%.

And that was that. Other than having the nurses in hysterics when I talked about getting the Follicular Lurve Wanding (and yes, I actually DID say that-why not!?). Now, the choice has to be made.

Do I go ahead with another cycle, or do we try this on our own? Am I really ready for the monitoring, injections, and stress? Do I want to put myself through the TTC au natural again?

ARRGH.....I hate this! On one hand, I feel like time is ticking away-I'll be 35 in six weeks time-and that with the passing of that birthday it will be like an Ovarian Death Sentence and that suddenly my body will not be as cooperative in the egg quality department. But, I don't want to rush into a cycle that could potentially fail just because I'm passing the Magic Fertility Cut-Off Number, especially as it's the last time it will be fully covered by insurance. On the other hand, I never really gave the TTC on our own a fighting chance-well, we did try on our own for almost a year, but I don't think that I ever really got the timing right, plus all the charting/temping crap just aggravated the hell out of me.
Then, by the time I got the Fertility Monitor, I only used it one or two cycles before I got my initial diagnosis, then stopped as I thought it was a collosial waste of time-what was the point of knowing when I ovulated when I was being told that both of my tubes are blocked?

Of course, now that I'm being told that there's one open tube, it's throwing a wrench in everything. Yes, I know that I have a higher risk of ectopic, that just because the dye spilled doesn't mean that the inside of the tube isn't damaged in some way-I mean, we've been having unprotected sex for five years now and I've never gotten pregnant. But, I've also been looking up the probability of getting pregnant on my own, and as long as the tube and ovary are good, I have a shot as much as anyone. Hell, if my mother, who only has one tube and ovary (she lost the other side due to a dermoid cyst the size of a grapefruit on her ovary) and was told that she might never conceive managed to do it twice in 20 months (yeah, she got pregnant with my brother six weeks after I was born), and one more time 10 years later (and lost it), maybe I can, too.

But, the thing that is nagging me the most is the strong gut feeling that I'm having to try it on my own-a last hurrah, if you will. That it could work without medical intervention. I've never felt like this during this entire TTC journey. But, I'm afraid that this isn't a true instinct , but is just a reaction against doing a cycle, due to fear of failure.

Yet, I'm still getting this odd feeling that I'm being guided to this choice somehow. Needless to say, I'm more than confused as to which choice to make, and nobody around here (excepting present company, of course!) that has a clue to really hash it out with.

So, tell me.....................what would you do?

9 comments:

Knock Me Up said...

How about meeting in the middle somehow -- maybe do natural (unmedicated) IUIs for a couple of cycles. That way you are doing more than just TTC at home with DIY but you aren't jumping directly into IVF and all that entails -- especially at the beginning of a school year.
That's my assvice. I know you will make the best possible choice for you and Sean.
Take care.

Shelli said...

Knowing you, you want every possible chance.

Go for an IVF cycle, THEN go "au natural."

Add in that groovey accupuncture, and don't forget, the evil eye has been removed, so who knows? this could work this time.

And the HSG has residual "roto-reuter" efffects for a few months...

xox,
S

The Dunn Family said...

I kinda had the same results, although I didn't have great egg quality, and my DH had some slight issues. But I had one blocked tube that had a hydrosalpinx so we did close it. But the doc said I absolutely had a chance of conceiving naturally. But I was told that since once tube is closed, you are cutting your chances in half, because when you ovulate on the side where the tube is blocked, there isn't any chance of getting pregnant. So if i'm getting that right, you really only have 6 chances a year, not 12.

We decided to go straight for IVF as I wanted to have the best chances as quickly as possible. We had to pay out of pocket (and I'm in NJ), and I guess I just wanted to get the ball rolling, and I was afraid it would take a while.

Regardless of my story, you need to talk it out with DH and figure out what is best for you guys. Unfortunatly, there are no right or wrong answers. Good luck!

Katrina said...

Tough call! I agree about the HSG, you may have a slightly better chance au natural for a few months. (I got pg after one, but mc'd.)

On the other hand, having experienced a double ectopic where one tube ruptured (the pg in the other tube was found when I was in surgery for the rupture), a 25% chance scares the hell out of me.

If I had a third hand, IVF doesn't mean you can't have an ectopic but the odss are much less.

I think I'd do the IVF. We did last year ans have Max now. Best of luck whichever you decide to do.

Thalia said...

It's always worth trying on months you aren't cycling, so time to get that fertility monitor working. But IVF does improve your chances massively - from say 10% to 30% on one cycle, so that's worth a go, in my book.

nancy said...

I wish I could tell you what to do. Due to trying for 5 years and nothing yet, I probably WOULD go for a monitored cycle. Even that IUI~ one where they go directly INTO the open tube to lay the boy juice).

So, you were told both were blocked and then they found one open now? Was the initial one wrong or was there some type of surgery or something? And why the 25% ectopic stat? I know having a damaged tube comes to that, but did they say the open was damaged? (sorry to barrage you with questions - I had a blocked tube also)

Frank N. Beans said...

I wrote ten different comments and deleted them all. It is a tough decision and we wish you the best of luck no matter what you choose. Those age charts are scary, but talk to your doctor because it is not like your odds will drop off when the clock strikes 12 (at least I don't think it works that way).

cat said...

So frustrating to be presented with more than one option. Going with as many of them as you can. Stacking the deck if you will is what I would do.

In the end though... you do what you would do and nothing else. Well ok and what hubby will do too. I suppose he's got a say in all this. He he.

That age thing... darling... don't let it get you down. Yeah it's a factor but as frank n. beans says it's not a time bomb. Just an average.

You are way above the average. You always have been and you always will be. *hugs*

EggDropBlogger said...

It sounds like you really want to try it au naturel one more time, so I vote for that, even though there are clearly risks involved. There are always risks involved.