Thursday, December 14, 2006

Confusion

I had a little more spotting last night and today-last night's was more pinkish/reddish, and today's was brown. I'm a little confused as to why this is happening. It certainly feels as if my period's coming, but I'm almost 10 days away from that. II'm pretty regular cycle-wise....always around 30 days or so, give or take two days. I don't even temp or check CM anymore-I mean, what's the point of all that when we know that it doesn't make a difference when the tubes aren't patent, right?

I thought I was having some mittelschmerz-type pains on Monday and Tuesday (on my right side, which made sense since I O'd last cycle on the left, according to the wandings), but I NEVER bleed from it. Ever. So, this is out of the ordinary for me. A bit disturbing, really. I just went to the bathroom and it was a brown smear on the toilet paper. And I feel a little bit crampy, and have a heavy feeling in my pelvic area; yet, I'm not bloated as I normally would before AF comes. Also, on Tuesday my boobs started to get sore, then went away. Now they're a little sore again. What the FUCK is going on?

Ugh. I really don't want to call the doctor. I don't want to have to schlep over there and be subjected to wandings or poking and prodding. I guess that if my period truly comes, then I had a shitty short luteal phase this cycle. Which has never happened. If it stops, perhaps..............

But no, I won't go there. There's no point. We all know the answer to that one. The probability of that happening is nil. Even though we did have a sexfest the past two weeks or so. I absolutely refuse to let that little bitch Hope start playing mind games with me. No way. Nope.

*Sigh* Why do I put myself through this?

10 comments:

Debbie said...

I just wanted to let you know that I think infertility sucks too.

Inglewood said...

Hope isn't such a bad chick, her evil brother Disappointment who seems to follow her around sucks 'big moose balls'. Feel for you, confusion, limbo, that also 'sucks big moose balls'. Hopefully your upcoming concerts will help?

Thalia said...

YOu know, the problem with Hope is that she can sneak into the smallest cracks in the door...

I'll hope for a while, for you, sweetie.

Lori said...

I've been reading your blog for about a month now and it's like I'm looking back in time at myself. Your right, hope is a nasty, mean, ugly little turd that just won't flush. More than anything I have just wanted to feel "normal", be "normal". How can it be so wrong to just love your husband and want to make a baby with him? What the hell does Darwin and Mother Nature have against us? My best advice is to just make the best of every day, don't let things you can't control sour the good things in your life you can control. I know that I am just incredibly lucky to have a husband who I adore and feels the same about me. Hang in there woman.

Shelli said...

word verification wou;dn't work last night - but I was going to say that it could just be a wonked up cycle after the meds...

OR, you could go pee on something~!

ilyse said...

Hope everything is ok.

Heather said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. I've had this type of spotting midway between ovulation and the arrival of Aunt Flo. I get myself all excited thinking it could be implantation spotting and then about 5-6 days later, my favorite visitor (sarc) arrives throwing Hope out the door.

watson said...

Hi S,

I'm so sorry about everything that's going on! Could it be sort of mid-cycle breakthrough bleeding? I had that (but only once) so it totally freaked me out.

But like you said, you never know. And so I will hope for you!

Thinking good thoughts for you!!

xoxo

Kath said...

Dear S, ah, the things those bodies get up to... I'm so sorry about the mind-bender. It must be so so difficult to keep Hope at bay, despite everything.

Rachel said...

We all do it. It's the nature of the beast. I trick myself into believing, then I trick myself into believing that I don't believe, and the cycle (pun intended, sorta) continues. I hope that you figure things out.