Well, on my little hiatus I did a lot of thinking. And drinking. LOTS of drinking, because, let's face it-2006 sucked large hairy wrinkly testicles. And, here's what I came up with:
* I need to start blogging more often. I've missed it, even though I have been reading your blogs, I've been neglectful of my own. So, no more silences. I need the emotional release of it.
* I'm tired of worrying and stressing about this. I'm not getting any younger, and the stress is worse than the trying to conceive crap. I'm going to start 2007 trying to worry less.
* I'm sick of planning my life around whether or not my reproductive system is going to cooperate. It might never happen, so I can't deny myself opportunities just because I "might" get pregnant. Broadway, here I come! No, seriously, I need to take more time for me, and for my relationship with Sean.
*I am a fat pig. No really. Okay, perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit, but we all know that ART treatments pack on the pounds (especially those meds). I've decided to take advantage of our union's deal with a popular area gym and join. I used to belong to another gym, and I did feel more empowered and active. Also, since it seems as if my boobages have grown yet another cup size (we're up to DD's now), I need to lose the boob blubber, or else I'll be scooping them off the floor, putting them in bonnets and a stroller and tell everyone that they're twins. Not cool.
* I'm getting a bit weary on the job front. Not my actual job, because I love to teach. I think, however, that perhaps the place I'm in isn't for me. There's a lot of politics abound. And yes, I know that it's everywhere, but it's so blatant here. Let's just say that it's so blatant that it's a joke in other districts. Perhaps a change of scenery is best.
* Our bathroom sucks. We're (or should I say, the lovely Sean) renovating it, because......
* We've come to the conclusion that we've outgrown the house we're in. How we can come to that conclusion based on the fact that, well, we haven't actually added people to this "family" (I'm not counting my boobs. Yet.) I have no idea, but it looks as if we're going to put the house on the market by February or March. We've alreadly found a house we love one town over, that's been on the market for almost a year and needs a lot of work. Perfect. Also, we know someone who knows the current owner, so that's a plus for us (we hope).
So, based on all of this thinking, what's the solution, you're wondering?
Well, why not do another frozen cycle, for starters! WOOT! Yeah, I'm a glutton for punishment. Don't remind me.
I finally had my "failed cycle" appointment yesterday. It was rescheduled because Dr. Pipsqueak had a surgery that was moved up, so I got bumped. After the whole conversational redux of "well, I don't know why it didn't work, the embryos were wonderful, your lining was perfect, hormones good", which we got earlier in the summer, I found out that none of the other 2pn embryos made it to blast. Which means that we have 6 day 3's left. So, she gave me the choice of either a medicated or non-medicated cycle for the next one. Since there really is no medical reason for me to do a medicated cycle (hormone levels are great, no lining issues, no extra long cycles), I immediately chose another natural cycle. It also gives the advantage that we aren't going to tell anyone about this one (present company excluded of course-I mean family or friends), since we won't have to rely on anyone giving me ass-shots. Of course, it does have the disadvantage that I have to be pretty much moving in to the clinic, since I'll be there almost every morning for bloodwork, but it could be worse. I could be doing another fresh cycle, which would be depressing as hell. So, we're looking at a transfer sometime in February, once my period comes (which will be sometime in the middle to end of January). And, hopefully we could squeeze another one in before the lab closes again (another advantage to a natural cycle), assuming that we don't lose too many of these embryos.
One thing that she did say is that she still feels that it will work. My eggs were retrieved at what are still considered a "young" age, she doesn't want to try PGD (which is great, since it ain't covered under insurance and we don't have $7K of "fuck you" money lying around) as she feels it wouldn't help, and the quality of eggs and sperm, and uterus aren't the issue. It's just, as she reiterated, just bad luck. We did discuss the 2 embryo vs. 3 embryo transfer, and we left the discussion at what she sees at transfer time. If the thawed embryos aren't great, we'll do three. If they're great, we'll do 2, because adding one more isn't going to increase chances of my getting pregnant, it'll only increase the likelihood of triplets, and all I want is a healthy child, not a litter, at least if I can help it.
We did have a nice chat afterwards though-I guess it's the upside of having one the last appointments. She asked how my break was, about my singing (I found out that Dr. C sang with an a capella group while still in school) and told me about her ski trip out West (although she luckily didn't get caught in the blizzard hell, she was delayed in Texas coming home). She also asked about my job, and I regaled her with tales of my students, and she was in hysterics about my some of my more......uh.......interesting kids. Like the kindergartner I have who is a streaker. I shit you not. The primary classrooms all have bathrooms, and this kid has a habit of going in to do his business, then takes off his pants and underwear, and proceeds to run out of the bathroom naked from the waist down and runs around the classroom. Yeah. And the child study team says that there's "nothing wrong with him". Riiiight.......
So, other than that, the break was blah. I did get sick on Christmas Day and spent most of it in a cold-medicine-induced haze. I lost my voice and everything, and the family kept calling me "Kathleen Turner" all night. Turns out I had a sinus infection. Yay. So I spent the next 5 days on mega dose horsepills of antibiotics. And then I got plastered on New Year's and felt slightly hungover the next day. And, that's it.
I hope that you all had a decent holiday. Now, let's all give the finger to '06, and tell it to screw.
Kiss my ass, 2006. Here's hoping 2007 brings all of us better days ahead.