Defeated

That pretty much sums up how I've been feeling lately.

Today was actually a good day, as far as work goes. Except for the usual baby/pregancy talk, which inevitably happens in a faculty room. This time, it's a girl who was talking about how she and her husband are going to start trying in the summer, and how she's afraid that it won't happen right away, blah blah blee......so then it ultimately starts the "well, your egg quality goes down the older you get...." conversation, and how it was SO HARD when they didn't get pregnant right away and they thought SOMETHING WAS WRONG with them when it didn't happen that first month......and how they feel SO BADLY for me and my "situation"......

You know the drill. I don't need to go on, right? I just crammed my sandwich in my mouth to refrain from motherfucking them up and down, and got the hell out of Dodge.

Then, another teacher, a mother of three, who remarked on the bracelets that I was wearing: "God, how do you find the time to accesorize in the morning? I'm lucky I have clean underwear on.....". Yeah, well, when you're barren, it gives me a lot of time in the mornings to lounge out in my silk robe and ostrich-trimmed mules, idly picking out jewelry from a muscled hunk wearing no shirt.....NOT.

And, the third.......well, I just don't know how to feel about this. I (stupidly) did an audition at a theatre where I used to do A LOT of work. I stopped auditioning there when I was very obviously passed over for a part due to a snit between a director and producer, so it was a "tit for tat" situation. Well, my stupid ass decided to give it another try, and I was called back for a great part. A part that I did a really great callback for. And, didn't get the part-which, isn't the shitty part. The shitty part is that they offered it to a friend of mine, who DIDN'T EVEN AUDITION FOR THAT PART. She was going for another one, so they gave her a consolation prize, basically. Which she decided to accept. After she told me that if she didn't get XYZ part (the one she really wanted) she didn't want to do a show. Yeah, that lasted long. She actually emailed me and told me, and I really don't know how to respond to it. On one hand, I'm really upset and I want to call her out on it, but on the other hand, would I do the same thing? Probably not-I'm not in the habit for accepting roles that I'm not sure I'm right for. Plus, we're supposed to go out to a black-tie thingie with them on Sunday, and quite frankly, if I hadn't already spent money on a dress I'd tell her to piss off.

And, let's add into the mix that my HSG and saline sonogram are on Wednesday, I'm on Doryx again and it's seriously fucking up my stomach. I can't even take it with yogurt, since it says on the bottle not to take vitamins, antacids or dairy within two hours of taking the antibiotics.

*Sigh* It just seems a bit much sometimes, and sometimes just going from day to day is an exhausting chore.