Chemical Cocktails Aren't Very Tasty, But The Souvenir Glass Is Nice

Well, friends.....in our newest installment of "Who Wants To Be A Down-Regulator", we found out that (1). the HCG shot worked in the sense that my LH and E2 levels have somewhat gone down, (2). My P4 levels have gone up, and (3). one of the cysts is shrinking.

However, my E2 and P4 levels haven't changed as much as they need in order to start Lupron (my reading is 2, and it needs to be 3......isn't that a har-de-har?), and the cyst on my right side has gotten bigger (4cm). So, after Dr. Pipsqueak reviewed today's latest bloodletting, she has come up with a new plan to try to suppress me enough to start Lupron. Starting tonight I get to start BCP's (yay.....my favorite!) and add in Ganirelix for the next four days, then go in on Sunday for more bloodwork and a date with the wand. If everything looks good, then Lupron is a go (I have until Sept 1st to start Lupron for this lab series). If not.....then the plan is to stay on the BCP until the next series starts in October. Which blows big monkey balls, but there's not much that I, or anyone else can do. I had to go pick up my meds at the office and got to speak to Nurse Blondie, and I did ask whether or not I should be concerned about the cyst bursting or getting bigger, and she said that Dr. Pipsqueak doesn't seem to be overly concerned and that the cyst is pretty small compared to the size it could be if I didn't take the HCG. But, that cyst is still creating hell and havoc, much like a middle-schooler. How ironic.

Nurse Blondie suggested having a "talk" with my ovaries, and I told her that I've begged, cajoled, bribed and threatened those little fuckers, and that the next move is a well-aimed punch in the cooter. Oddly, she didn't find that as funny as I thought. Hmmm. Perhaps I shouldn't have used the word cooter.

So.....that means that I get to start a new chemical cocktail, starting tonight. Anyone out there take Ganirelix and have any input? Is it more, or less shittier than Lupron? How about side effects? The only thing I could find on my trusty Dr. Google is that it's a GNRH-antagonist, which is like someone telling me in Russian that I should try black caviar. And, I HATE BCP's....hate, hate, hate them! Ugh, nothing like being a moody bitch right in time for the new school year, huh? Heads are gonna ROLL next week with my 7th grade homeroom! Grooowwwwl! Let's hope that it really doesn't make me crazy.....or, at least, not as crazy as Loopy Lupron does.

Seriously, though, I am disappointed-I won't gloss over that-but not totally gutted by it. Perhaps now is not the right time to do a cycle, and, with everything else that's going on with school starting and my mother's illness (she's doing well, btw....the tumor has shrunk to the point that the CAT scan can't pick it up, and they've moved her surgery up to this Friday, instead of in November). I just can't help feeling that time is slipping away from me with each passing month that we don't conceive. I'll be 37 my next birthday; and, although it is still technically "young", even by infertility standards, it sure ain't 30. It's the age where I have to start worrying about upped miscarriage and Down's syndrome rates, CVS and amnio testing, and all the crap that I never gave a thought about when we started this whole mess. To be honest, I idealistically thought that we'd have more than one child by now, and we wouldn't have to worry anymore. That the world of infertility would be just a distant memory for us.

Boy, was I wrong on that one.

Punch, Meet Judy

Well, it's official....I have not one, but two cysts on my ovaries-one measuring 2cm on the right side, and one almost 3 on the left one.

Sean got to name them this time-Punch, and Judy. Hopefully they'll kick the shit out of each other. As for me, that's what Anaprox is for, right?

According to the RE's office, my estradiol numbers are going down, but not as much as they want. So, I get to take my HCG trigger today or tonight (no set time), and they "should" rupture. Then I get to go back in on Monday for another wanding and more bloodletting. After that......well, we won't get our hopes up yet, shall we?

Hey, c'mon.....this is par for the course for us. SOMETHING has to go wrong when we decide to do IF treatment. It wouldn't be AS MUCH FUN then, right?

I'm still waiting for the punchline, though.

Hmmmmmm.....

Well, I'm back in the doctor's office AGAIN. I came in yesterday for my usual "WTF" bloodletting, only to get a phone call from Nurse Blondie yesterday afternoon. My estradiol is still up, and my progesterone hasn't risen high enough to see if I ovulated, so I'm now here for more bloodwork and a wanding to see what's brewing in my girly-bits.

Of course, I've been crampy on my right side for the last few data, and when I woke up this morning and peed, I found a smear o' bright red blood on the toilet paper. And a clot in the toilet (yeah, it TMI-deal with it!).

Anyone wanna put on their Dr. House hat and diagnose me? I'm guessing a cyst, but it's anyone's guess.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Let's hope that my body cooperates today, and I've actually ovulated. I'm tired of this shit already, and I haven't even really started the process yet!

At least the office doesn't seem as crowded today-I got a comfy warmer seat on the first try! And a cup of coffee that tastes pretty good. I'll take comfort in that, at least.

You've got to try to appreciate the small stuff, right?

I'll update later once I hear.

******update 2:30 pm********

Well, what do YOU think happened?

Orders are to be back in the office Monday for bloodwork.

It's cycle day 30. Why don't I have a good feeling about this?

I need a fucking drink. I'm just SO done with this shit.

You win, ovaries. I say Uncle.


-- Post From My iPhone

Deja-Vu

Hmmm....guess where I am?

It looks like they're giving away another IVF door prize this morning. Of course, being a weekend, there are a lot of husbands/partners/significant others here. But, I didn't get a Seatsicle, so that must count for something in the IF universe.

So, shall we take bets as to whether or not I've ovulated? I'm guessing yes, but that's the cock-eyed optimist in me. That, and perhaps the half-pitcher of sangria I sucked down last night at dinner.

We must get through somehow, right

-- Post From My iPhone


***********************

Okay, it's now 12:45, and I got the call from Nurse Blondie.

Guess what? C'mon, you know the answer to this one!

I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED LUPRON!!!!!!! I need to go back on Wednesday, because I'm "really close" but....no cigar.

I'm about to punch my cooter in the cooter and give it a "time-out". I hope that this isn't a precursor to how this cycle could potentially turn out. If that's the case, fuck it!

GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF?

Can you fucking believe that I STILL haven't ovulated??? It's CD 25, for fuck's sake!!!! Apparently I'm "close", though; so I now have to go back on Sunday.

Now, if this was just a regular cycle for me, I'd be ovulating at CD 26....Which would make this a 40 day cycle. 40 days! I've NEVER had a cycle that long before. Now I'm freaked out because I'm thinking, what if I'm starting to go perimenopausal?

AHHHHHHHHH! THIS SUUUUCKS!!!


-- Post From My iPhone

The Waiting Room, Round Two

I'm back at the clinic for my blood draw, and I screwed the pooch yet again-I got another Seatsicle. Although, I can't complain too much...it's only partially under the air vent. At least the TV's on this time!

Ooh-I did the Fertility Chair Switch and got a warmer seat!
Woot! Maybe that's a good sign that I'm going to start Lupron!

Isn't it sad that I base my IVF success by the seat I get at the clinic? Yeah, I thought so.


-- Post From My iPhone

Figures....

So, do you think that perhaps MAYBE I can have an IVF cycle go somewhat smoothly?

Nah, why should it? That would make it boring, right? The extra stress just adds to the experience!

Sean and I had to go back to the clinic on Monday afternoon because we forgot to fill out our consent forms. While I was there, Nurse Blondie let me know that I had to go back on Friday for more bloodwork, since I hadn't ovulated yet. And, since I haven't ovulated yet, I can't begin the Lupron.

Yep, that's right-it was cycle day twenty-freakin' one and I HADN'T OVULATED YET!! WTF? This has never, ever happened to me before. Unfuckingbelievable.

I guess that explains why I pretty much sexually assualted my husband on Saturday AND Sunday.

Well, that means that it's back to the clinic on Friday morning for the Annual Running of the Hormonal Bulls blood draw and hope to God that I get a good seat. Or else I'm bringing my parka. And my down comforter. And a thermos of vodka.

Because everything is easier with a thermos of vodka. Trust me on that.

The Waiting Room

Is it twisted and sick to get disappointed when you groom your girly-bits for a date with the Follicular Lurve Wand, only to find out that you're only having bloodwork instead?

I GROOMED, dammit! My va-jay-jay hasn't looked his good in MONTHS! Oh, well...

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I was up at an UNGODLY hour this morning-5:45 to be exact-so that I could get to the RE's office for b/w and an ultrasound. But it appears that there was no need to, because it's bloodwork only this morning. So, here I am, early-morning blogging at the office. And, this is the second time I've made this mistake-I guess I'm a little IF rusty when it comes to appointments.

Did I ever tell you about the chair situation at the RE's office? Oh, God....it's frickin' HILARIOUS! So, the waiting room in the office is pretty large, with a lot of chairs and couches around, tables with an assortment of magazines for your reading pleasure, a coffee machine and pastries-even a flat-screen TV (Which isn't on right now-boo). Well, like in most doctor's office, it feels like Siberia in here-and it's like that ALL YEAR ROUND. Like, it's warmer outside in January than it is in the waiting room. Why is this? What the fuck is the point-to kill germs?

Anyway, there's a whole bank of seats under the windows that, although close to the TV, are RIGHT UNDER the air conditioner vents. And, NOBODY wants to sit there due to the fact that you freeze your tits off. You'd probably get frostbite waiting to have blood drawn. In fact, you'd probably have frozen blood to draw. Not to mention a frozen cooter. Not that the actual exam room is any warmer-it's only slightly warmer than a meat locker.

So, the game amongst the patients is to get there early enough so you're not in those seats-call it "Musical Chairs for IF Treatment", if you will. When they call your name for the blood draw, you actually have to leave all your shit on the seat like a 2nd grade child, otherwise the poor saps that got the Seatsicles will jump into your chair faster than shit out of a goose. And then look at you when you come out of the lab like they're expecting a fight. Nothing like a room full of women hopped up on hormones, huh? If you end up with the bad luck of getting the Seatsicle for the whole time you're there (which could be up to an hour and a half, depending on how busy it is), the nurse basically has to melt you out of your seat with a hair dryer to get you in the exam room. Well, I got here this morning at 6:15, thinking I would "win" the game and get a good chair, but, alas, the waiting room looked like they were giving away an IVF door prize, and guess where I had to sit....you've got it....THOSE SEATS! I can't feel my extremities and am now praying to be put out of my misery. Could you hook a sister up with a heating pad, for fuck's sake?

Whoever said that IF isn't so bad obviously hasn't sat in this waiting room. Help!



-- Post From My iPhone