Monday, August 03, 2009

The Waiting Room

Is it twisted and sick to get disappointed when you groom your girly-bits for a date with the Follicular Lurve Wand, only to find out that you're only having bloodwork instead?

I GROOMED, dammit! My va-jay-jay hasn't looked his good in MONTHS! Oh, well...

I was up at an UNGODLY hour this morning-5:45 to be exact-so that I could get to the RE's office for b/w and an ultrasound. But it appears that there was no need to, because it's bloodwork only this morning. So, here I am, early-morning blogging at the office. And, this is the second time I've made this mistake-I guess I'm a little IF rusty when it comes to appointments.

Did I ever tell you about the chair situation at the RE's office? Oh,'s frickin' HILARIOUS! So, the waiting room in the office is pretty large, with a lot of chairs and couches around, tables with an assortment of magazines for your reading pleasure, a coffee machine and pastries-even a flat-screen TV (Which isn't on right now-boo). Well, like in most doctor's office, it feels like Siberia in here-and it's like that ALL YEAR ROUND. Like, it's warmer outside in January than it is in the waiting room. Why is this? What the fuck is the point-to kill germs?

Anyway, there's a whole bank of seats under the windows that, although close to the TV, are RIGHT UNDER the air conditioner vents. And, NOBODY wants to sit there due to the fact that you freeze your tits off. You'd probably get frostbite waiting to have blood drawn. In fact, you'd probably have frozen blood to draw. Not to mention a frozen cooter. Not that the actual exam room is any warmer-it's only slightly warmer than a meat locker.

So, the game amongst the patients is to get there early enough so you're not in those seats-call it "Musical Chairs for IF Treatment", if you will. When they call your name for the blood draw, you actually have to leave all your shit on the seat like a 2nd grade child, otherwise the poor saps that got the Seatsicles will jump into your chair faster than shit out of a goose. And then look at you when you come out of the lab like they're expecting a fight. Nothing like a room full of women hopped up on hormones, huh? If you end up with the bad luck of getting the Seatsicle for the whole time you're there (which could be up to an hour and a half, depending on how busy it is), the nurse basically has to melt you out of your seat with a hair dryer to get you in the exam room. Well, I got here this morning at 6:15, thinking I would "win" the game and get a good chair, but, alas, the waiting room looked like they were giving away an IVF door prize, and guess where I had to've got it....THOSE SEATS! I can't feel my extremities and am now praying to be put out of my misery. Could you hook a sister up with a heating pad, for fuck's sake?

Whoever said that IF isn't so bad obviously hasn't sat in this waiting room. Help!

-- Post From My iPhone


Anna said...


Okay, now I'm VERY curious about where you go - I think I went to the same center. Can you e-mail me? I don't see your e-mail on here and I don't want to ask you "in public". Mine is right dot v dot easy at gmail dot com.

Hope you're warmer... Have a great day!


Lut C. said...

Bring a blanket next time, maybe that will bring the message across. :-)

And there is absolutely no one else you can think of who might admire the grooming? ;-)