Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Yaaaaaaaay PHLEGM!!!

Okay, so....because the gods just LOOOVE to fuck with me, I ended up getting sick on New Year's Day. And, trust me, "sick" isn't a slick codeword for "Jaysus I drank too much and flashed my bra and hurled on the side of someone's car before passing out on the bed before removing my pantyhose".

That was New Year's 2003. At least, I think it was.

Seriously, though-we went out with some friends to see a show and had a yummy dinner in a nice restaurant, where I graced the audience of the small bathroom of this top-rated restaurant a showing of my ample belly whilst shooting up Lupron-the old ladies were aghast! There's a heroin freak in the ladies room! Oh, wait.....aren't junkies SKINNY??? Thaaat's right.....

Anyway, so the entire evening I had a little tickle in my throat-you know the kind, that makes you cough or constantly clear your throat like you've got a pube stuck in it (c'mon....you know you were thinking that!! Oh, you weren't? Um......). I decided to dose myself with a little Nyquil when we got home, and then the next morning woke up to pretty much sounding (and looking) like Kathleen Turner...and I mean the Kathleen Turner NOW, not the sexy as hell Kathleen Turner from 20 years ago. So it's not like I'm congested, but there's sinus pressure and obviously some kind of post nasal thing that's making me lose my voice, RIGHT IN TIME TO GO BACK TO WORK. Did I mention that I'm a teacher? A MUSIC teacher? And I can't take sick time because of the upcoming cycle? Um......yeah.

Oddly enough, the kids have really taken pity on me, which is surprising, since middle school- aged kids don't have pity for anyone unless it involves the red ring of death showing up on their XBOX 360 during a crucial moment in "Call of Duty". I'm totally taking advantage of their short-lived sympathy, though, because it's not going to last...

Where was I? Oh, yeah-snot. Or lack of it.

So it's obvious that I have a sinus thing. And since I'm on meds, I apparently have to be careful as to what I can take when cycling (Only Sudafed, which is a lot like showering with a garden hose-it's just not doing the trick). Well, someone clued me into the Wonderful World of the Neti Pot. It looks like a teapot, but don't be deceived.......it's a nose douche. So, I bought one of these things and I now look like a complete horse's ass in the bathroom in the morning jamming the spout of this thing up my nostril and trying not to gag as I prevent the saline solution from running down the back of my throat.

I'm sure Sean is JUST LOVING that, 10 years into marriage, he's got a glimpse of what I'll be like in about 20 years-chubby, snarfing and gagging while douching my nasal passages. Here's to another 20, baby! MWWWAH!

Hopefully this will do the trick, because I don't want to go on yet another medication (plus, if I can hold on, hopefully the Doryx right before the retrieval might do the trick!). If I still feel like shit on Thursday when I go for my dildocam to see if I can start stims, maybe I'll ask for something then.

Oooh, IVF cycles in the winter are SO MUCH FUN! Why didn't I do this more often?

Now, excuse me while I go hock up some lungs.

1 comment:

Mrs. Lydon said...

You are freaking HILARIOUS DILDOCAM>!!> i had to share that with my DH. We both had a good laugh! Hope you feel better soon!!! Thanks for the chuckle!