Thursday, May 05, 2005

Casting against type

My friend called me yesterday afternoon (the one who's having the first birthday party), and she told me that she knows that it's a tough time for us right now, and that she doesn't want us to feel obligated to come to the party. She is also an IF survivor (she was lucky and had an insemination that took the first time, but they tried for awhile) and she said that she's been in the same situation, and how it's hard to be around babies and celebrating birthdays right now, and she and her husband won't be offended in the least if we don't show up.

It makes me feel a bit better for not wanting to go. Right now I don't want to go anywhere or do much right now. Actually, it's 7pm and I'm sitting in my pj's. It's just that I can't be bothered anymore.

Sean said that he's worried that I'm depressed. I don't think that I am. I'm angry, bitter, sad, emotional, and I want to punch things at times, but I don't want to jump off a bridge or anything.

I feel apathetic. Actually, I don't really want to feel anything right now, to be honest. It's just easier.

In other news, I started the Provera on Tuesday night. So far, no period. With my shitty luck I won't get my period for two weeks (Nursey P said that you could get it anytime from the day after you start the pills up to 10 days after you stop them-fucking great). I also had a shitty rehearsal today at school with my choir kids. Some of them have fucked around in the past few weeks and now they don't know the music for the concert (which is May 16th). I don't even bother to get upset-they could see it on my face that I was not a happy camper. They only have one rehearsal left, so hopefully the rehearsal will scare the shit out of them enough to actually memorize the pieces.

Such is my life at this point in time. Why should anything go right, or be easier for me? It would be casting against type, at least for me.

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