Sunday, May 15, 2005

Oh AF, where the hell are you?

OK, so I'm on day 53 of my cycle, and still no sign of my period.

And, before you get all, I'm not pregnant. You'd actually have to have sex for that to happen, and, quite honestly, there's way too much that's been up my whoo-ha within the past eight weeks--I don't need anything else in there right now, thankyouverymuch.

I've been off the Provera since the 7th, and Nursey P said that I'd get it anytime from the day after I started the pills to up to 10 days after I stopped......I think that would be by the 17th. I guess if there's nothing I'll call the RE again and see what's up.

I'm bloated, bitchy, occasionally crampy and starting to get some zits, but no period. I did spot for like a day, but that's it. Fuckers. I hate waiting. This sucks.

Other than the waiting game, nothing else is going on right now. Oh, yeah, on Mother(fucker)'s Day I spoke to my grandmother, and when I wished her a Happy Mother's Day she said "And the same to.....oh.....". Great. I know that she didn't mean anything malicious about it (she's 86 and starting to get a touch of senility), but it still made me feel like shit. Figures.

On a semi-good note, we leave for vacation (Bermuda) in exactly 41 days-woot! I can't wait. We both really need this vacation, mentally and physically. Hopefully I'll get the old whore soon so it won't fuck up my vacation-carrying tampons and various anti-cramp medications with you to a tropical island really really sucks major ass. Especially when you're going with three guys (yes, including my husband-what kind of a girl do you think I am??) and want to wear a bathing suit.

So I'm calling out a missing person's report on my period: Name: Aunt Flo (or AF) Description: brown to red coloring, medium flow, very little cramping (but of course, due to all the hormones I'm sure it will be horrific), usually arrives within 28-30 days, and stays for about 5 days. If anyone's seen her, please tell her that she's long overdue here in New Jersey, and to get her lazy ass over here now, before she gets a serious beatdown from me.


Shelli said...

yooooo-hoooooo Auntie Flo! Where are you! I've got lower Manhattan covered, and I'm sure Cat will join in the search, too. ::hugs::


cat said...

Update: Flo is taking a tea break in my uterus right now and throwing round the furniture. I promise to send her on over once she's totally trashed the place. If she doesn't make a bee line for you I'll hunt her down and drag her scraggly ass over to your womb by her damn hair.

Ps: My mother said the exact same thing at the Mother(fucker) Day sign off. Gotta love those senile ladies.

S said...

Thanks girls, I knew that I could count on you!!