Monday, March 24, 2008


Still BFN. Yeah, I'm a bit of a glutton for punishment, aren't I?

Easter was okay-we had dinner at G&A's, with other friends, and had a blast (and awesome food, too). I went to bed last night with a slight headache that woke me up at 3:45 this morning, which Tylenol has subdued from blinding to a dull roar. I didn't get back to sleep until almost 6am (due to the headache and the slight nausea that accompanied it), then had to be up by 9am because I made an appointment with my GP for a physical (duh-what was I thinking??). So I got to sleep for a few hours this afternoon and now I feel sort-of human.

As for the "are we or aren't we" symptom front.....well, I was really crampy Friday and Saturday, then Sunday evening when I used the toilet there was a pink stain on the TP that had some EWCM-like substance in it (c'mon, doesn't EVERYONE check their TP obsessively during the 2WW like it's a treasure map? Or perhaps it's more like looking at one of those hologram paintings, where it changes as you walk past's a fruit! It's an elephant!..). Now, nothing. The crappy headache is a new development-it's on my right side, in my eye, and running around my head to my neck, with a runny nose ONLY on the right side, so I'm assuming it's a sinus thing. Oh yeah, and my BOOBS-holy SHIT! They KILL right now! I don't remember them hurting this much before-it actually has woken me up in the middle of the night as I turn over in bed. It actually hurts to lie on my side in bed-it feels like there are two huge boulders under my skin. The only time they don't hurt is when they're firmly encased in my bra. Which I'm seriously considering wearing to sleep tonight to see if it will help. Ouch.

Let's not mention the usual chemically induced greasy hair, acne on my shoulders and back (another new one) and progester-rage. I've forgotten just how much fun this drug is. And, sick as it sounds, I'll gladly take it for another three weeks if the beta is positive. Sore ass and all-I'll have a big motherfucking smile on my face the whole. damn. time.

So....I have NO ideal what the hell is going on. I'm not scheduling anything past Thursday in relation to my PIO shots (Thursday is beta day), just because I'm a superstitious fool. Do I think I'm pregnant? Honestly, realistically....I don't know. In my heart there is this little voice that tells me not to give up just yet, that it's still waaay too early to know for sure. The only time I got a BFP on an Evil Pee Stick of Despair it was the day before my beta. I'm really trying not to obsess, but well...we've all been down that road before, right? I'm just trying to fill my time so that I'm unable to obsess too much.

More later-time to make dinner, and I'm starving-damn progesterone! You're ruining my diet! And, I've got a lovely loaf of good Italian bread that I got with our pasta dinner. Which I plan on devouring.

Infertility really really does suck.


Ms. J said...

ROTFLMAO! Really, what you wrote about the TP being like a treasure map?! OMG!!!!!!!!!! You rock, girl!

I remember a friend of mine (an IVF success story) telling me "everything you do will be punctuated by a nervous swipe" (of your va-ja-jay with the TP). You and she would get along great!

I am glad to hear the cycle hasn't dulled your sharp sense of humor, which I so enjoy ;o)

Anna said...

Oh, yes, it totally sucks. Now back away from the pee sticks! They are the DEVIL!!! Man, I am so hoping the pink tinged stuff was implantation bleeding. Man, I want this to work for you guys. Everything's crossed, S. Thursday seems like forever from now. Hang in there. I hope you enjoyed your dinner!

Morrisa said...

I agree, IF SUCKS! I'm hoping and praying that you get your BFP soon!

Erin said...

You're right in saying that it's too early to test. However, your symptoms sound good, drug induced or not. Anything different from the times before is a good sign.

Kimmer said...

It is early, wishing you tons of luck with beta, lmao about the toliet paper.

Shelli said...

chika - 11dpo is way to f'ing early, yo!

WAAAAY too early, miss boobs of rock.

So shut it, will ya?


love you. said...

So, I do not really consider it may have effect.