I've been peeing on sticks since Wednesday. All BFN. I thought that I saw a glimmer of a line, reaaaally faint on one type of them (why yes, I bought several brands-the FRER, the generic one with the one line/circle window, the plus/minus-the round window ones were showing the faint line) but I think that it's an evap line.
I caved and did a digital this morning-which says "not pregnant".
So....we'll go in for the bloodwork tomorrow for shits and giggles, but I really think I'm out. Again. And again.
I just don't know what to think anymore, except that perhaps being a family of two is the best we'll get at this point. It's obvious my eggs are shit, so they won't be trying that again. DEIVF didn't exactly work for us either, although I do think that perhaps it was the donor we chose (she only had one successful cycle out of the three she did). Our clinic now partners with a donor egg bank which reduces the cost, but we've learned nothing is guaranteed-what's there to say that it would work?
We've had every test under the sun, everything else is considered normal. For some reason those fucking embryos don't make it once they're transferred, which makes me feel even more pleased with my body-can't make good eggs, and certainly can't get them to implant. I just feel like having everything removed just so I don't have to be reminded monthly of the fact that my body can't do what it's designed to do.
Let's not mention the fact that I'm less than two months away from the Big Milestone Birthday. Honestly, how much longer can I keep doing this? Do I really want to be the oldest mother in the class? Isn't that a bit selfish?
Like I said, I really don't know what to think, or even WANT to think at this point.
I'm just too damn tired.