Oh, my lovely laptop, I've been ignoring you this past week. Please forgive me for neglecting you, not taking you to school every day, not using you at night, but it wasn't intentional, really it wasn't.
Okay, perhaps it was intentional. Deal with it.
Just accept my apology and know that I've resolved to use you more frequently, as my sanity seems to depend on it. Especially when I've got to poop and can take you into the bathroom with me (with your wonderful wireless connection). It giveth you a new nickname in our household-"Crap-top"-bestowed on you by the sort of jealous hubby who realizes, for the first time, that being able to pee standing up does have its disadvantages.
Of course, I can't totally ignore the hubby, mind you, so I'll have to share. He does get jealous of our "relationship", you know. When I visit with you too often he starts to call you "Crack-top", and I know that it hurts your feelings. Don't be angry with him, please. He just wants sex and conversation, and he knows that, in those areas, he's at a distinct advantage. We need to all "play nicely" and get along.
Now that we've got that all out into the open, I'll sign off now. My left leg has fallen asleep because I've been sitting here too long and I need to get up and flush the toilet.
Smooches to you, dear lovely bamboo-green covered laptop. Have a nice nap.