Yappy Hew Near, or What I did on my Winter Break

The party went well, considering that, only twenty minutes before the first guests arrived, my house looked like the stock room of a retail store. Everyone ate, drank, and was merry. As for me, I sort of ate, didn't feel like drinking (except for the Piper and Veuve Cliquot that was brought by some thoughtful guests), and felt anything but merry. In fact, I was feeling quite happy to see the back of the year 2005-to me, the past year was generally shitty. I mean, two failed IVF attempts, a bout of OHSS, a surgery and a miscarriage doesn't add up to a great year. Whether or not 2006 ends up being a better year is yet to be seen. I hope it does, for the sake of my marriage and my sanity, because if I have to go through another year like the past one I'll end up insane, broke and divorced, probably. Better than sticky, broke and confused, right?

So, I basically fucked around (no, not fucked, but you'll see why in a minute) all week, in between frantic bouts of running to the Mikasa outlet as our guest list grew from 7 to 12. I watched a LOT of TV (successfully staying away from "A Baby Story"), alternated between wearing my pj's and sweats, ate really shitty food, and acted like a bitch. Why, do you ask? Well, I was waiting (and waiting, and WAITING) for my period to show up, the lazy bitch. And, no, I didn't think for one minute that I was pregnant--silly wabbit, you actually have to HAVE SEX to get pregnant! Holy shit, I can't remember the last time I did that......let's just say that I haven't been feeling my sexiest lately-it must be the terry-cloth bathrobe I've been living in. Anywho..... I thought that I had gotten it on Friday (after 40 days of torture, bloating, mood swings and the lovely appearance of acne), but alas, it was just a tease. I actually, finally, did become the lucky recipient of Aunt Flo's charms last night, along with a door prize of major clotting and cramping. I'm not usually a whiner when it comes to my cycle-in fact, I must say that, apart from the occasional crappy cycle, I'm as regular as a stopwatch. Anyway, the cramping was pretty bad last night, bad enough that I had to take a Tylenol with Codeine, crashed, and didn't wake up until almost 11 this morning.

Tomorrow I get to go back to school, which is good and bad. Good in the sense that I need to get back into the groove, but I'm a lazy bitch and sort of like being home...sigh...if only Sean could make a gazillion dollars and I could stay home.....but that ain't likely to happen.

Tomorrow also starts my "eating better so I can wear a bathing suit on vacation without shame" campaign, as well as my "let's get a second opinion on my infertility treatment" plan. I was supposed to call Nursey P to see about getting a copy of my medical records today, but I totally slacked off (okay, I watched Star Wars Episode III, but who's asking, right?) and forgot, so now I have to call tomorrow and get them sent to me. Actually, I'm curious to see what's in them-you learn a lot by looking at all that doctor speak, assuming that you can decipher the required bad handwriting (they must have a class on that in med school). Hopefully I can lose the weight before I decide on when to do the laparoscopy.

Yes, I decided to do the lap-why the fuck not? I've done everything else, why not that too? Whether I stay with Dr. Vest or go with a bigger, more renowned clinic (which, through my insurance, I now have access to) is something that I need to work out. I will go for a second opinion, probably at IRMS at St. Barnabas. I've been thinking about it, and, with two failed cycles using the same protocol, it might be time for a change. But, I think that I'd do the surgery the end of May/beginning of June sometime, then hopefully be able to cycle shortly after that. Then again, there might be the slim chance that a lap might be able to open one of my tubes, depending on how bad the damage is in there-if that's the case I might be able to try the "old-fashioned way" for a while first. Wouldn't that be a nice change?

Let's face it, a change of any kind in that department would be welcome right about now.

Hopefully everyone out there in BlogLandia enjoyed their holidays. May the New Year bring joy, peace and balance to all of us, no matter what may happen.