Saturday, March 18, 2006

Oh, Gawd.......

Please pump my stomach........please.....

Had the small, requisite bit of CB&C (corned beef and cabbage), salmon, boiled potato and carrot so as to not offend the mother-in-law. I do have to give props out to her, though-she is a good cook. She even made boiled meat and veg taste good, which alone is a feat considering how it's cooked-blech. Gimme a plate of ziti with sugo and a hunk of crusty panelle any day-at least it has some taste to it. But, it wasn't that bad, really.

She even made homemade soda bread, which was damn good. I had a few slices of that, too-yummy.

Which is why I think that my stomach will explode any minute. I need a colonic, anything to remove the gas pains. I even had to UNBUTTON MY PANTS..........yikes. I need to SERIOUSLY go back on the South Beach Diet-this is ridiculous. I'm not going to be able to fit into my faboo new dress I bought today for the formal night on our cruise. I can barely fit into my comfy jeans right now, and the thought of getting into a bathing suit in four weeks is enough to get me scrambling for a Xanax. In other words, ladies-I'm seriously fucked. If I don't lose 10 pounds, I might as well get two Hefty Cinch-Sacks and some kitchen twine and make myself a tankini, because that's about all I'm gonna fit into right now.

Of course, Sean had three full helpings, along with cake and two cups of coffee (Irish Creme, 'natch). I almost left him at his mothers so she can enjoy the noxious fumes that will undoubtedly start to leak from his rectum. At least I didn't put the new comforter set on the extra bed yet. That way, if he gets kicked out of the bed tonight, we won't have the EPA knocking on our door and declaring that lovely new set part of a toxic waste area.

Although, at this moment I'm starting to feel a "rumble in the Bronx", so I bet that I give Sean a run for his money, flatulence-ly speaking. So if he tries to smoke me out, he's in for a big shock.

Let the Dutch-Oven Olympic Games Begin! If I'm still alive tomorrow, I'll post the results. If not..........well, I'm sure it will be on the news.......

4 comments:

cat said...

LOL... Ahhhh Irish food... you are making me hungry stop it now!

May the rumble subside.

ilyse said...

Hope your tummys are feeling better by now and that the house was not too stinky this weekend.

Shelli said...

damn you, woman! I almost woke Malka up I was laughing so hard!

:)

UtRus said...

LOL! The Dutch Oven Olympics!! (My husband is a Gold Medallist, unfortunately for me) I am new around here - your blog is sweet. I will be back.