Still in the game, at least for now.

So, after my last post, it had to get worse before it got better.

I started passing what I thought were clots, so I (understandibly) freaked out and called the service again. After an hour, the RE called back (he was at the hospital and didn't get his page) and said that he wanted to see me first thing Friday morning for an ultrasound and he also wanted to check my cervix to see what was up.

The ultrasound showed no clots in the uterus (a good thing), but that my lining wasn't as thick as it should be. My progesterone results also were in and they were at 7.3, which was too low (and which was why I started to bleed), so Nursey P gave me a PIO (progesterone in oil for you neophytes) shot in the office. Apparently, the Crinone gel isn't an effective method of progesterone support for me (turns out the "clots" were really the quarter-sized blood tinged old Crinone falling out. I actually got to see one up close on Friday and it reminded me of chewing tobacco, which Nursey P confirmed was the Crinone) so I have to stay on the PIO until my blood pregnancy test on Monday comes back--if it's positive then I still have to stay on the PIO. Kinda really sucks, but at this point I'll do whatever it takes if there's something in there holding on.

I still feel like this didn't work, although the RE was still positive about it. He said that many women bleed before they know that they're pregnant, and even into the first trimester (my friend M was one of those women) and go on to have healthy babies. I asked him point blank if there was still any chance, and he said "most definitely", so that helps a bit. Especially since I'm no longer bleeding-just a light brownish stain every once in awhile when I wipe, but nothing like it was.

I'm still fighting the urge to go to the drugstore and buy some pee-sticks. I know that many women who go through IVF don't get an accurate result with them, due to all the fricking hormones that you take, but in a way, I want to be prepared, in case it's negative. I'm afraid of that phone call on Monday, and I don't want to freak out on the phone. At this point, it's either happening or not, and there's nothing that I can do about it.

But, I still hate the fact that I have no control over this. The wait sucks.