The Cooter Report

Thanks yet again for your kindness. It really amazes me that, although I know so few of you in my "real life", you are somehow closer to me than friends that I've had for years. Your words are healing, whether you realize it or not. It's because you understand where I'm coming from-you've all been there. You've all felt the same pain, the same frustration, despair and anger. So, even though you may think that words are ineffective in this scenario-you couldn't be more wrong. Yeah, it doesn't change anything; no, I'm still without a baby in my arms, but it still helps.

So, thank you.

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In other news that is directly related to my cooter, I've made it into print. Last month I was contacted by Keith Huang of the Wall Street Journal about featuring my blog in their "BlogWatch" column. He asked me some questions, I answered them. And I hadn't heard from him, so I thought that it was the end of it. Lo and behold, I get an email from him Sunday evening, letting me know that the column was coming out the next day. So, if you have yesterday's WSJ lying around, you'll find me (and Alex over at The Infertile Gourmet)-it's in the Journal Report:Technology section, last page. If anything, you'll find out my full name (hell, I might as well out myself.......nah) for shits and giggles. Seriously, though-I'm honored to be included with someone like Alex, and to even be contacted! I'll have to see if I can scan it in or something-it's pretty cool.

It was an interesting experience for me, to have a reporter contact me about this blog. In some ways, I still feel like a neophyte when it comes to the world of infertility blogging. Who the hell am I that someone from the frickin' Wall Street Journal would contact me about a feature in one of their columns? There are so many brilliant bloggers in "our" world, why pick me? Then I look at exactly how long I've been here, and I realize that I'm a crusty old veteran, in many ways. And, that was a bit shocking to me; that time has moved on (I "celebrated" my fourth anniversary as an infertile this past June), even though my infertile state has stubbornly remained the same, despite numerous attempts at the ART game. I started this blog as an emotional outlet, if you will-it was a hell of a lot cheaper than traditional therapy, and I didn't need to get either a referral from my insurance company or be limited to only 30 visits a year. I never thought that other people would actually read my blog. I never thought that I would find a sisterhood (and brotherhood-can't forget our Sperm Palace Jesters, can we?) who had the same hopes and dreams I did, and we've all shared the ups and downs of this wild ride.

And here we are, almost two years after I've started this blog. I've met some amazing people on this journey-some who have made it through the other side of infertility and are mothers (whether it be through adopting or pregnancy), and some who are still waiting for their children. I've also learned so much about myself in the process. I never thought that I could be this determined about something. I never knew that I could hurt as much, or want something so badly that it consumes just about every part of my life. Oddly enough, in a sort-of sick way I'm glad that this happened to me. What, you say, are you deranged? Are you sure that you're not still on the fertility drugs? No, really. I'm glad, because it has proven to me that I am a strong person. It's made me appreciate my husband for the special person that he is. It's shown me who my friends really are, in times of crisis-who I can rely on, and who's a "fair-weather" type of friend. And, most importantly, it's introduced me to all of you.

So, Keith Huang, thank you for giving us a spotlight. Perhaps it will help those of us who still can't find their voice in this crazy existence we call "infertility". Perhaps those people will see that they're not alone-there are thousands more out there, and we're all part of a bizarre family.

But it's a family, all the same. My family. You all rock.