Wednesday, July 19, 2006

More Whinging and Whining

Here we are at cycle day 35, with no sign of Arts and Crafts week at Panty Camp. There is some brownish spotting, mixed with cervical mucus, and some crampiness, but no flow. Why, oh, why can't my body cooperate, just once? Is it too much to ask?


And no, I'm not up the pole, either-I checked that out already. Negative.

Can we say "annoying"? I know you can....


Thanks for the responses about my last post. I don't really feel bad about what I said (long overdue, in my opinion), but I know for a fact that it went through one ear and out the other, since we went to lunch Monday (a rarity, since she usually blows me off) and she kept asking tons of questions about the clinic (her appt is 8/22 with the RE I see). And the fact that she called me yesterday, from work, to tell me that our gyno called her and said that her autoimmune workup came back okay.

Yesterday, during that conversation, she did get a bit snarky with me about her daughter. Here's the background first, before I get into the phone conversation:

We went to a late lunch Monday afternoon, then went to pick up her daughter from camp. Then we made our way back to M's, because she and Sexy J were going to the gym. From the moment J (her 5 yo daughter) got into the house, she started acting wacky, trying to get everyone's attention, that kind of thing. M and I went upstairs because she had to change, then heard J yelling up the stairs that she "didn't want Mommy to go to the gym", she wanted her to stay here. Uh...okay. M told her that they wouldn't be long (they have child care). J then decided that she wanted to wear her sneakers instead of her flip-flops. M told her that her flip-flops were right there (she was just wearing them) and to just put those on instead. Of course, J wouldn't listen, pulled her sneakers out of her camp bag and put them on. She then began whining (and I'm not being dramatic) "Mommeeee, tie my sneeeeakers..." over and over. M said that she'd better be able to tie them herself then, because she told her to put the other shoes on. She kept on whining, Sexy J told her to quiet down, J told him to "shut up", then M finally told her that she'd tie her sneakers (?). I then told M that her sneakers were wet (she got her sneakers and socks wet at camp) inside, and said to J that they were too wet, and we'd put them outside to dry. She started saying "no" , and at that point I beat a hasty retreat. As I said goodbye to J, she just stared at me. M told her to say goodbye, and she said "bye" in a snotty way and slammed the front door as I was standing on the stoop. ARRGH!

Okay, now that you've got that in your head, she brought J up in conversation yesterday. I asked her if she was better last night than the afternoon, when I saw her. She didn't say anything for a second, then said "You know S, she's a kid, and kids whine". I told her than yes, kids do whine sometimes, but she's 5 years old and shouldn't be doing it as often as she is (of course I'm not speaking from the experience of a parent, but as a primary teacher-I see 150 of that age group in particular, and I told her that). M then had to point out that she doesn't do it in school-and I said yes, she probably doesn't, and she probably does it at home to get attention. I then dropped it, because I didn't feel like getting into a drag-out fight, because I was like "what the FUCK!? Can you not see what she's doing?". So it was a bit awkward getting off the phone, and I haven't heard from her since then (we usually talk a few times a day).

Perhaps I shouldn't have opened my mouth-I know that mothers are extremely protective and I'm sure that she saw my comment as an attack on her kid-but I really feel that she doesn't see (or want to see) that her kid is turning into a brat. She always makes the same excuse about her behavior-she acts like that because that's what she does at Fuckwad's house, and it works there. So, what's the excuse with the backtalk, the disrespect that she shows for adults, the blatant disregard when she's asked do so something simple as open a door for someone who has things in their hands (she'll actually tell you no). During that whole sneaker exchange on Monday, I never heard the word "no" escape M's lips. Can't she see that she's just as wrong, that she's not helping the issue? She's even said to me recently that she's thinking of taking her to a psychologist, because she thinks that J is acting out because she's having a hard time dealing with the divorce. But, who's having the hard time here, J, or M?

Sean and I had a long talk about this last night, over dinner. I told him the story, and he said that it's just a shame, all around. He feels that J is disrespectful to adults, and generally gets her way too much, and also has way too much stuff (I can't even tell you how many toys and things she has), and said that he'd never tolerate the way she talks to people. And, we're not the only ones who think that-I've heard other mutual friends make similar comments. I've decided that I will refuse to make any more comments about it, or even engage in an in-depth conversation about her, even if brought up, to avoid any potential arguments. And, if I am around her and she starts up with any unacceptable behavior, I'll literally walk away from the situation, rather than act on the urge to correct the behavior. Even though she's my godchild, it's ultimately not my business if she can't be controlled, right?

It's a shame though-she's not an evil child. But, I see kids like that every day-kids who think that, because they get away with things at home, other adults will indulge them in the same way. Those kids tend to get worse as they get older. J might be "good" in school now, but she only finished pre-K-she hasn't gotten into the academic routine of Kindergarten, and beyond. Who's to say that she won't do it in school? And, I see parents who constantly make excuses for their child's behavior, rather than discipline the child. What message does it send to the kid? That it's socially acceptable to be that way? Not for anything, but if I had a child who spoke to my adult friends/family in the manner she does to us, I'd be mortified, and it would never happen again-but M doesn't seem to be fazed by it. Sean feels that M is trying to have the same life she did before children, and she can't-you can't fit children around your life. I know that she wants the best for her child-what mother doesn't? However, she doesn't help the situation either. She is so quick to blame the ex for everything, but she can't see her own hand in it.

*Sigh*. It's so easy to see other's problems when you're on the outside, looking in. It's also easy to assume you'd do something differently, especially if you don't have children to base your experiences on. I guess I wouldn't like it if I felt that someone were knocking my child or parenting skills-I'm sure she feels vunerable enough. But, we have plenty of friends with children who don't act this way, and would never even think of it, so I think that what I'm saying does have some validity. I'm not being a jerk because I want to be, but because it's hurtful when a niece/godchild/whoever treats you crappy, not only because the kid does it, but because the parent doesn't correct the behavior; it's as if they secretly agree with what the kid's doing or saying. So, it's like you're getting disrespect not only from the child, but from the parents.

I refuse to call her back. If she doesn't like it, she'll just have to get over it.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Meg said...


That's the joy of blogs, isn't it?


Anna said...

I love the line about Arts & Crafts week at Panty camp - that was brilliant!

We have friends whose first son, nearly 2 & 1/2 is a nightmare without boundaries. They brought him to our house when he was 7 months old and cruising. He crawled and walked around, picked up our cordless phone and banged it repeatedly into it's holder. They never said a word to him. I told him "Thank you!" and took the phone from him and gave him a stuffed animal to play with. Oddly enough, the phone was broken prior to this and after the banging it was fixed. Go figure. They've never set boundaries for him and it really shows. They think he's just wonderful, however. Even when he's throwing things or hitting his baby brother? I'd love to ask that, but I just let it go.

MamaKBear said...

My sister is the EXACT same way with my 4 1/2 yr old niece!! And of course gets all in a snit if I say anything about her behavior.

Hi! Found you through a link on Dream Mommy's blog!

Heather said...

I have a five-year-old daughter and I'd be horrified if she acted this way, both to me as well as other adults.

I love her dearly and think she is awesome, but I always make sure the boundaries are in place. She knows she needs to use her manners and to respect other people.

One of my pet peeves is children that act spoiled. Just yesterday I had a conversation with my daughter and her friend because her friend took the last bottled water in the garage where I store them and was drinking some, but then pouring some out on my grass. I was nice, but I told them I didn't appreciate them taking my things without asking me and then wasting it. They apologized. I know her friend is a bit spoiled, but she knows that when I'm firm, she better listen. Unfortunately, she'll only listen if I'm firm about it.