Friday, July 08, 2005

Who said that life was going to be easy?

Why the fuck does it always have to rain like a bitch whenever I have a day off?

Today I have 10 million things to do-laundry, memorize my lines, go over my music for this weekend's Masses, cast the kids show I'm directing, take a shower-and I have absolutely NO desire to move from this chair and out of my seriously mismatched PJ's. The countdown to the old whore's ETA on Sunday is imminent. It's also my godchild's 4th birthday, which means that I have to go and get her a birthday gift. It also reminds me, for the 50th time, that I should have had at least one child by now. I actually started to TTC about 11 months after Jenna was born-time sure flies when you're stressed and obsessed, doesn't it?

But, it makes me realize certain things. My best friend, M (Jenna's mom), didn't think that, four years earlier, she would be getting a divorce (and a messy one, to boot). She didn't think that she would be living back with her parents, alone, and have to deal with her fuckwad soon-to-be ex through lawyers and argumentative and slightly abusive phone calls. She was the girl who we thought had everything-a good job (a trauma nurse at one of NJ's biggest hospitals) a husband who was the life of the party, a beautiful daughter, two cars, a $450K house, a dog, three vacations a year. Who knew that her husband was a lazy and emotionally abusive bastard, that she'd be forced to sell the house less than a year after she bought it, have to fight over custody of the dog (she won, btw) and child support, and have to make it on her own after 10 years of her life (including dating) with someone?

It makes me grateful that Sean is who he is. I'm relieved that, even though we are going through our own problems, with infertility, that, if in the worst case scenario we never have children, we have each other. I think because Sean comes from a "broken home" he has more of a sense of making a marriage work, no matter what happens. He was lucky, though, that his parents didn't have a messy divorce and, from what he and his parents tell me, they shared bringing up their children without involving them in the reasons for their breakup. They are better friends now, than when they were married, according to them. In fact, my MIL goes to my FIL's salon to get her haircuts and highlights, and they constantly joke around. They made it work, because they had to-they knew that, whether they liked it or not, they would always be bonded together because of their children. I'm sure it wasn't easy, that there was a lot of anger and resentment there, but they put it aside to raise their kids together, even though they decided to seperate their lives and move on.

M's whole situation makes me realize that we both probably never expected to be in the situations we're in now-in my case, childless; in her case, marriageless-but have to deal with it as best as we can. But, boy, does it sure blow big moose ass.

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