Sunday Night Blues

Well, this weekend went too quickly, IMHO.....

I went to a spa this past weekend on the Jersey Shore, which was really nice. I went with a colleague, L, who is also having difficulty conceiving (her diagnosis is unexplained, which is horrible-I mean, at least I know what my problem is, but to be "normal" as far as the specialists are concerned and you're still not able to get pregnant...that totally just blows) and will also be going through IVF at around the same time as me, so we decided to pamper ourselves and try to mentally prepare for this new experience in our lives. It was totally worth it-I was so relaxed that they could've shoved a hot poker up my ass and I probably wouldn't have flinched. I highly recommend doing something like this, regardless of whatever's going on in your life-it was nice to not have to think, you know?

Let's see, what else happened this weekend? Oh, yeah, last night Sean and I, along with G&A (yeah, G of the Great Pipe-Fitting and Shit-Shoveling fame) went to see Candide at NY City Opera. I do have to say-Lincoln Center is one of my favorite places in Manhattan to go! I really liked the performance (G and I were pissing our pants at some parts) and the people in the roles were wonderful. I actually saw the Broadway revival back in '97 with Jim Dale and Andrea Martin, which was good, but I enjoyed this one more-why, I don't know, since Hal Prince was involved with both productions, but this one moved at a better pace than the last one I saw. G's birthday is today, so when we got back to their house (after midnight) I brought a cannoli cake and candles and we sang, which was fun. Then today it was singing at the 11am Mass then just hanging around the house and vegging in front of the TV......

I actually think that I ovulated sometime today too-I got some of those wonderful mittelschmerz pains on my right side-but I've decided not to chart this month. I mean, what the fuck is the point? It's like someone saying to you (in an annoying sing-song voice) " HAHA, you O'd and your tubes are blocked!!". It's like torture sometimes, so it feels really liberating to not be tied to that fucking thermometer. Plus, once I start these drugs, it won't matter what day my cycle is anyway, the RE's office will be in control of that.

I have to get my prescriptions filled this week, which is a bit daunting. I have to go to the RE on Friday for bloodwork and another dildocam, then the nurse told me that they'd give me instructions afterwards as to when to start the medication, which I'm assuming is Sunday the 13th, but who the fuck knows. I have a funny feeling that when I actually see all those medications lined up on the kitchen counter the reality of this will hit home for me. Right now it's something abstract, not grounded in my world. But, take a few boxes of syringes and vials of medications that will or will not cause cancer in my reproductive tract (the jury's still out on that as far as research goes) in twenty or thirty years time, or, more importantly, will or will not work, is really fucking scary.

My hope, other than the obvious I-hope-it-works thought, is that I don't turn into a psychotic she-bitch from all the drugs (or, more psychotic than I usually am). I'm not usually the PMS'y type, but I don't think you can compare in this situation. Poor Sean-he's gonna have his hands full, that's for sure