Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Personal Contemplation

Thanks ladies, for your kind words about my last post. I'm doing okay, no worse, but not wonderful.

I sort of talked with Sean on Sunday night about what's going on in my head (at least, as best as I can verbalize them), and he feels that I would benefit by "talking to someone" (ie. therapy). Don't get me wrong, I'm not adverse to the idea, but it's a big decision for me. I'm not sure that I can open up to someone that I don't know. Then again, I blog my inner thoughts for all of the Internet to see, so why not, right?

The answer is this: my husband, family and non-IF friends have no idea that this blog exists. I don't feel judged by them. I am, for the most part, anonymous.

Sean told me that he's concerned for me, especially since there's a history of mental issues in my family. My aunt is bipolar-she was diagnosed in her thirties and had many episodes until they figured out her personal drug cocktail. However, when she went off the deep end she was always delusional and manic, not depressed. Anyway, I digress.

Firstly, I do have mental health benefits under my insurance, which is good. However, I would like to try to find someone (if I do decide to pursue it) who specializes in IF, or, even better, someone who has personal experience in IF (a stretch, I know). I'm still on the fence, though.

In other news, I have an appointment with Dr. Vest on Columbus Day to talk about my next IVF cycle, which should be fun (NOT!). Then I'm sure the meds will be ordered and the fun will begin. I'm also thinking about doing accupuncture along with the cycle-I've heard that, if anything, it will help with stress, which is a positive thing. There's a woman I know from the theatre world that did accu along with her IVF, and she's convinced that it helped her get pregnant. Anyone out there done it? Is it painful? How often do you go and how do you find someone reputable? I'm not sure if I can deal with more needles in my body, but hey, if it helps, I'll suck it up.

I'll do anything to make this next cycle work out.


Lindy said...

I had a similar talk with my husband this weekend. The mental health issues in my family tend toward the anxiety/panic disorder end of things, and I definitely think I'm headed that way.

I tried a therapist (who even had personal experience with IF) and it just didn't work out for me. I might try again, but it was so demoralizing to finally get up the courage to go and then to have it be such a frustrating experience.

I'm also going to be trying acupuncture this cycle. My clinic is participating in the big NIH study on its effect on IVF, but I don't want placebo acupuncture, so I'm not going to do the study. Still, it was enough to convince me it might be worth trying.

Best of luck to you!

cat said...

Therapy can be very helpful if you find the right person to help guide you to your own answers. The issue some folks have is that they go to have their problems fixed. It does not work like that. It is another ear, another voice to help you sort out your own emotions and feelings, that's all. I'm a fan of therapy as you already know.

Acupuncture worked for me years ago to get rid of a cyst in my ovary that was a monster. The needles didn't hurt much at all and it was relaxing overall. The traditional Chinese drugs were icky but in combo I believe it saved me from surgery. Many women swear by it, hell it's worth a try. Maybe your doctor could suggest someone.

Whatever path you choose it will be the right one honey, trust your heart you have a strong one. We are cheering for you out here.

Anonymous said...

Wow. My husband and I have done multiple insemination attempts. I am about done with it...not because I am about done with it...but we have drained our savings. I am always so stressed out/depressed/obssessed...etc. about it. Good to know what I feel is pretty normal. Thanks so much for posting. m

Shelli said...

a) I *HEART* Accupuncture = it's really great. I went to the Pacific College of oriental medicine, and it was just 35 bucks a pop, I went once a week, it was GREAT. I mean. G.R.E.A.T!

I have the same attitude about therapy that I do about the gym. I HATE having to go, but I feel great once I'm there and after I leave. That's my truth. I hate that I need therapy, and I usually spend the day of thinking of ways to tell her that I don't need it anymorem, that I'm all better - but then I get in the office, and I realize how much work i still have yet to do, and I feel better.

It's all a tough road, but I think the difference, dear, sweet S, is that you are willing to look at it. SO many people out there aren't. They keep it inside.

This blog, your friends, your willingness to look outside is nothing but good.

Know that you are loved.


(looking forward to seeing you Sunday!)

dawn said...

I know I am a little late posting a comment, but I can understand what you are going through. Being a therapist myself I stuggled with going and talking to someone and I finally did and I am not sure if I will continue. I am going one more time just to see. I am hoping it helps because I can't continue like this. I hope you can figure it out for yourself but know that we are all here for you and support whatever decision you make.

dawn (FF)