Wednesday, November 16, 2005

9dp3dt-Out, Spot!

This afternoon, after having a nice lunch (leftover homemade eggplant parm, bread, and fresh pineapple). I go into the bathroom to take a pee. When I went to wipe, there it was-a streak of blood. Not blood in the sense of dense, red, but a pinkish mucus-tinged streak.

After my mini-freakout, I called the RE's office and spoke to Nursey P. She said that it's normal to spot, that sometimes it's "implantation spotting". She said that even if my period starts, she wants me to continue the PIO and still go for Monday's beta-apparently some women will get what they think is a period, but they're actually pregnant. She reassured me that I'm doing all I can right now, but that there isn't much else that anyone can do.

Fuck. Fuckfuckyfuckityfuck.

So now I'm obsessively going to the bathroom and checking. I peed again after my last class at 3:10pm and there was no blood, just that EWCM again. Then I came home, peed again and saw a small streak of brown in the mucus. I'm still feeling a little crampy this afternoon, but not painful.

Yes, I know that it's still too early to tell, really. I know that Nursey P might be right and it's implantation bleeding. I even know that every sign I have can be interpreted as pregnant. But, they can also be interpreted as "not pregnant" either. I'm afraid to pee on the Evil Sticks-what if they're wrong,? What if they're right?

I hate not being able to trust my own body. I hate that I even have to go through this, when so many other people can just spread their thighs and enjoy it. I hate not knowing.

I'm trying so hard to be positive about this whole journey, that what is meant to be, will be. But when that little bitch Hope moves into your life, she doesn't necessarily want to pull up stakes.

Five more days to go. Five more days.

6 comments:

cat said...

I know this feeling so well... it is hard to know when we have been through so much and are so in tune with our bodies. I did spot before getting a positive and had crampy stuff too.

I am praying and hoping for you. Counting the days down with you too.

pixi said...

I hope Nurse P is right about the implantation spotting. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Shelli said...

it sounds like it could be either way - and THAT's what is so frustrating.

spot happens - brown is fine - red is bad - remember that - pinkish is OK, too.

ARGHHHHHHHHH

why must we suffer so?

WHY!

Jessica said...

Just stalking your blog. I had a lot of cm when I was pg (that was the first difference that I saw and the only difference in my 2ww) I noticed you are describing a lot of it as well. I didn't spot but a few friends online did and they had it mixed with cm etc. So I'm praying it's all good! The wait is no fun!

hormonebitch said...

I have been there myself. I spotted my whole first trimester. Don't freak out yet. I never even knew I was pregnant. Hang in there. I would say it is implantation spotting, too.

laura said...

You can do it ... it's not long now. I think Nursey P is right on.