This afternoon, after having a nice lunch (leftover homemade eggplant parm, bread, and fresh pineapple). I go into the bathroom to take a pee. When I went to wipe, there it was-a streak of blood. Not blood in the sense of dense, red, but a pinkish mucus-tinged streak.
After my mini-freakout, I called the RE's office and spoke to Nursey P. She said that it's normal to spot, that sometimes it's "implantation spotting". She said that even if my period starts, she wants me to continue the PIO and still go for Monday's beta-apparently some women will get what they think is a period, but they're actually pregnant. She reassured me that I'm doing all I can right now, but that there isn't much else that anyone can do.
So now I'm obsessively going to the bathroom and checking. I peed again after my last class at 3:10pm and there was no blood, just that EWCM again. Then I came home, peed again and saw a small streak of brown in the mucus. I'm still feeling a little crampy this afternoon, but not painful.
Yes, I know that it's still too early to tell, really. I know that Nursey P might be right and it's implantation bleeding. I even know that every sign I have can be interpreted as pregnant. But, they can also be interpreted as "not pregnant" either. I'm afraid to pee on the Evil Sticks-what if they're wrong,? What if they're right?
I hate not being able to trust my own body. I hate that I even have to go through this, when so many other people can just spread their thighs and enjoy it. I hate not knowing.
I'm trying so hard to be positive about this whole journey, that what is meant to be, will be. But when that little bitch Hope moves into your life, she doesn't necessarily want to pull up stakes.
Five more days to go. Five more days.