Friday, August 19, 2005

I can't believe I'm even posting this:

Beta #3-HCG-36.7, progestgerone 25.2
It's dropped from 120 to 36.7

The nurse said that it's probably a chemical pregnancy, but that she will give the results to the RE and someone will call me back.

I can't believe this-after 3+ years, I finally get a BFP, and now this. I tried to see online if there was any hope here-maybe there was a twin that was lost, or something, but I doubt it.

I want to throw up, I'm so upset. I can't even cry. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think right now.


**update**

Nursey P just called-the RE wants me to stop all medications and wait for my period. It's a chemical pregnancy.

I'll go in on Tuesday for one more beta, to make sure it's 0, then they want me to come in to see the doctor.

I just can't believe this. I was pregnant, and now I'm not.

I don't know if I can go through another IVF cycle. I don't know what I want to right now, except curl up into a ball and die.

Maybe this is a sign, maybe I shouldn't try anymore. Maybe I should just give up.

13 comments:

Shelli said...

oh honey. oh fuck. It's MORE than a chemical pregnancy, it's a miscarraige.

fuck
fuck
fuck

ok - you know that wine Sean brought home - open it now - you heard me, open it now - there's something romatic about drinking with the sun up, it helps alleviate the misery just a tiny little bit...

much love to you, I'm calling right now.

cat said...

I'm in tears and so sad to hear this. There is never anything that can be said to make it better only time honey. Know that we are here for you whatever you need and praying that you are surrounded by love.

vixanne wigg said...

I am so incredibly sorry. I'm sure that this is very devastating after all you've been through. I wish I had something better to say that would help, but I know that nothing will. This is just rotten rotten rotten news. :( :(

Heather said...

I'm so sorry, hon. Agreeing with Shelli, it's a miscarriage. And definately open a bottle of wine. We're here for you.

Suz said...

I'm so, so sorry and that doesn't even begin to cover it. There just aren't any words.

Amanda said...

I am so darn sorry!! It's just not fair!

lillian said...

i'm so sorry about what you are going through.. it just plainly sucks. {{hugs}}

Jen said...

New to your blog, came here via Shelli, so I don't know you but I do know this. NO ONE should have to go through what's happening to you. I am so sorry for you and wish you strength and peace to get through the difficult time you're in.

Sara said...

So, so sorry for everything you have had to endure. This path we travel on is so disheartening and so completely life-draining. I pray that these next few days, you rest and spend time with your family. I hope that your healing comes sooner rather than later. There are so many of us who have been through it, myself included, so we are here if you need us.

Anonymous said...

Came over from Shelli's blog to say that I'm sorry... I know it can't make much difference coming from a stranger but we'll be thinking of you tonight..

alex and martha

betty said...

Terribly sorry to hear your news. It's just not fair. You have every right to curl up in a ball.

Shannie from ff said...

Oh sweetie. I came here from Shelli's blog. I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered a m/c last summer after 11 years of ttc. I made it to 14 weeks and then we lost our sweet angel girl. Please know how much I am hurting for you. It just plain sucks. Many many gentle hugs to you.

Panda said...

I hate that term, "chemical pregnancy." Like it wasnt a real one.

Crap crap crap. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Stay close to your loved ones, and get lots of snuggle therapy. There are plenty of people out here to support you through this too.