Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Stupid Human Tricks

I picked up my progesterone suppositories yesterday and put the first one in last night, which ended up being something out of a John Hughes comedy.

We had dinner, relaxed, then I decided that it was time to plant the bullet (so to speak). I get to the bathroom only to find there are no pantyliners in the cabinet. So, I do what every woman usually does (no, not waddle with your panties around your ankles out of the toilet to the linen closet, although I have done that in the past)......yell as loud as I can for Sean to bring them to me. Luckily, the bathroom is right above the living room (if you want specifics, see my entry in January '05 about our bathroom pipes-there are even pics!), so it wasn't a long wait. Banging on the floor helps.

I put the pad in, and get the bullet out. It literally looks like a piece of broken chalk. How appropriate, I think to myself. Then, sitting on the toilet, I load it into the applicator, and shoot it up there.

Only to have it fall out 3 seconds later. Into the toilet.

Yes, I wasn't thinking. And no, the water was clean.

So, of course I felt it falling out, and tried to "catch" it. Like that was going to happen.

Freaked out a bit, then I had to fish it out of the toilet.........ewww.......at least there was nothing in there.

Sean is in hysterics at this point (he's watching at the bathroom door). He thinks that this is much better entertainment than watching reruns of "The Dave Chapelle Show".

Ignored husband. Washed it off (don't know if you were supposed to do that or not), then put it back in the applicator. Realized (stupidly) that you have to insert it lying down, so it can't fall out.

Left the bathroom (with my panties and pj's around my ankles-there, I did it anyway!), hand the applicator with the magic bullet (slighly tarnished, but what the hell) to Sean and tell him to hold it for a second while I climb into bed.

Sean proceeds to sniff it and pretend to eat it. He's lucky that I didn't make it a reality.

FINALLY, I get it in and lay there with my book, waiting for it to melt away. Sean applauds (like I just did a fucking magic trick, or maybe I did, who knows) and narrowly misses the pillow that I threw at his head (yeah, THAT one).

All in all, it could have been worse. But HOLY SHIT was it funny.


Shelli said...

now THAT'S entertainment! :)

cat said...

lofl... i'm cheering for you from here.

Heather said...

Glad to know that icky, sticky mess can be entertainment for the whole family!

betty said...

At least there are occaisional funny moments that infertile couples will never know!