Monday, August 22, 2005

Whoo-ha Woes

Thanks for your responses, everyone.

It's weird--call me insane, call me in denial, whatever, but I'm getting the feeling more and more that maybe this "chemical pregnancy" is being misdiagnosed, and that I'm actually still pregnant. I can't pinpoint exactly what makes me feel that way. I talked to Sean about it, and he didn't think that I'm nuts-he said that I know my body best, and if something's not right, I need to call the doctor's office and talk to someone about it. Doctors aren't always 100% right. In fact, in this instance, I'm sure Dr. Vest would gladly eat his words if he was wrong and I were pregnant.

I rooted around in the bathroom and found one more HPT-it's a Fact Plus test, which measures a minimun of 40mlU of HCG, and peed on it last night. Within one minute, it came up as "+", clear as day. Now, if my HCG on Thursday was 36.7, and should have, in theory, been dropping since then, why would a positive still be there? Total mind fuck. Plus, I'm starting to get a queasy feeling more and more often-it comes and goes. Not enough to barf, just a "urgh, I feel kinda churny in the stomach" feeling. And, those cramps that I'm getting-they're low, most often on the right side, and has the same pulling sensation that I had before. And, that constant hunger thing is still going on.

So, risking the thought that they would think I'm psycho, I called the office and spoke to Nursey P. I asked her what kind of bleeding would I experience, and she rattled off the signs. I told her that I haven't seen blood yet, it's been the same type of brown spotting, only when I go to the bathroom, not enough to soak a pad and now it's stopped completely (it actually stopped yesterday). I also told her about the pulling feeling and I told her that it's the same type of cramping that I've had all along (I didn't tell her about the nausea or the HPT, though). Nursey seemed more concerned that I haven't bled yet than the crampy feeling, so she said that Dr. Vest was with a patient right now, but she was going to speak to him and call me back.

This is one of the reasons that I like this office-they take every inquiry seriously, no matter how odd it may sound. The one thing that I'm worried about is that they'll prescribe Provera without seeing me first, which I'm not going to stand for. I have to go for another beta tomorrow morning, which will show us what the numbers are. I think, that when she calls back, I'll ask her if, for peace of mind, I can come in for an ultrasound, just to see what the hell's going on in there. I am prepared that it would show nothing, but what if there's something there? What if these cramping feelings on my right side is a tubal pregnancy? What if there's-dare I say it-a fetus with a heartbeat pumping away in there?

It's better to be safe than sorry, isn't it?

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