Tuesday, August 16, 2005

New Toys

I'm posting from the comfort of my bed, with my brandy-new laptop. It's fucking AWESOME! I just have to learn to type on this thing like a regular keyboard, because I keep making typing mistakes and I have to constantly correct myself.......I'll try to take a pic of it tomorrow and post it, so you can see for yourselves how fabulous it really is.

I'm exhausted today. I'm not sure if it's because of the pregnancy or if it's just that I'm not sleeping as well as I usually do, since Sean isn't here with me. I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon and woke up after two hours! Holy crap!

I felt a bit crampy off and on today too, but my understanding is that's normal-everything is stretching out down there. My ass, however, is a bruised mess. The shots themselves don't hurt, but the injection site is sore afterwards, and I'm getting bruise marks. At least M knows where not to put the needle, right?

So, this whole pregnancy hasn't sunk in yet. I feel really weird, like it's all a dream and that I'm going to wake up and it's going to be January all over again. It doesn't seem real to me at all. My brain is having problems switching from "infertile girl" to "pregnant girl". I mean, I'm still infertile-meaning that I can't have children without medical intervention-that hasn't changed. But, now there's someone else that's actually growing inside of me, even as I type this. A person, who will contribute to society someday (hopefully in a more meaningful way than "keg-stand king/queen of Party Town U., if you get my drift).

In some bizarre way, I feel guilty, that it's me and not someone else. Am I totally fucked up for feeling that way? Is that a normal thought pattern to have?

3 comments:

Shelli said...

when we first got wind of the pending adoption, I was nervous to tell you and Cat, for fear of hurting your feelings. But hearing YOUR news made me truly cry with tears of joy for you, as I know you did for me, for a brief spell.

So get over it. We love you and are thrilled for you.

Holly Golightly said...

You totally deserve it.

cat said...

It's all so 100% normal. You deserve every lovely minute of bliss. Don't worry about us Chica there is joy in my heart each time I read your posts. Shelli is correct thrilled, excited... and in some small way your good news makes me a little more hopeful.

Looking forward to every beautiful second of this.